You’ve been there; in last night’s little party dress on a Sunday morning, walking up from the socials or down from the Triangle, trying to be invisible. If you’re lucky, you see no one but your roommate who rolls her eyes before she goes back to sleep, but on a bad day you’ll run into a friend, a professor, or even worse, a tour group. You turn your head so you don’t have to see their looks, or you respond with a very timid “hi” and scurry off. But why? This may not be your classiest moment, but why does it have to be so shameful?
There certainly are a lot of pitfalls in Amherst’s hook-up culture (I mean, a lot; expect more articles on this), but that doesn’t mean we collegiettes™ shouldn’t be able to enjoy it when it’s on our own terms. You’re beautiful, young, why not have a little fun before life gets serious?
The short answer to why you’re feeling ashamed: Because of modern society and the ideas about sexuality that have been engrained in us since we were little girls. Here are a few reasons why those conventions are wrong and/or crazy:
Virginity is everything. What is virginity anyway? Oh, right, another social construct; one that has actually been used to oppress women for centuries. Not only that, but it also creates a hetero-normative culture where oral sex “doesn’t count.” And, ok, so maybe you’re not a “virgin,” whatever that means, anymore. Does that mean you won’t get more than twenty camels for your dowry or something?
Casual sex is not only irresponsible, it’s dangerous. First, I’m just going to assume that your “adult sleepover” was safe and consensual. (If it wasn’t, then, yeah, it was irresponsible and dangerous). You had a good time, your partner had a good time, and no fluids were exchanged. This idea that women are in constant danger isn’t exactly flattering to men either and is a subtle way of slut-shaming. “You like sex and let men know that. Therefore if anyone rapes you it’s your fault.” What’s really dangerous is a culture that unabashedly blames victims in this way.
Women get no pleasure out of casual sex. This is a play off the old idea that women don’t enjoy sex, period. Casual sex is definitely different than beautiful, romantic love-making, but the, ahem, basic mechanics are the same so trust me, women as well as men can enjoy it.
Sex is something to be embarrassed about. Here’s the big one. This is why you look at the ground as you pass people the morning after. Sex shouldn’t be embarrassing! It’s good for you and fun and a bunch of other things, but it’s not something you should get ashamed about. So next time you’re walking home on a particularly bright morning, wave at and laugh with your friend, say hello to your professor, and by all means give a big thumbs-up to the pre-frosh on the tour.