During my three semesters at college, many would say that I was a thriving college student. I made the Dean’s List every semester and participated in several volunteer programs and extracurricular activities. I was checking all the boxes, and I did it with a smile on my face. But on the inside, I was struggling every day. I felt as if I was going through the motions without any real purpose.
I went to see a counselor at the school and talked to her about my experience. She diagnosed me with chronic low-level depression and helped me make an appointment with a local psychiatrist. Needless to say, I felt like a complete trainwreck. College is supposed to be the best time of your life, and here I was in counseling and about to start taking antidepressants. I felt like a failure.
I decided sometime in late November that I needed to take time off. I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I would explain it to my friends, but I knew something had to change. My parents were not supportive at first, but after some long conversations on the phone, I convinced them. I dreaded telling my friends because I had always made sure that I didn’t let them see if I was feeling down or lost. I didn’t want people to see through the façade that I had created: the one that convinced othes that my life was perfect. Some of them were very supportive, and others were alarmed. However, knowing that I was doing something completely on my own terms was very empowering.
I came home just in time for the holidays and family reunions that happen during winter break. As much as I knew that I was making the right decision for me, I still felt ashamed because of the stigma around taking time off from school. I hated having to tell my extended family that I would not return in the spring when they asked me how college was going. Their discomfort intensified when they asked me what I planned to do instead, and I replied that I did not have a concrete plan yet. Prior to this decision, I had lived my whole life trying to please the people around me, and I felt uncomfortable and exposed in my decision to break away from the norm.
Despite any criticism, I promised myself that everything I did during my semester off, I would do because I wanted to do it. I would not do it solely to make it look like I was having a productive semester. So, much to my parents dismay, the first thing I did was get my Zumba teacher certification. I organized a Zumba group at a church gym and had classes with old ladies twice a week. It was not amazingly glamorous or impressive, but I enjoyed it and that is what mattered. I also began taking lessons in ballroom dancing, something I had always wanted to try. Immediately, I loved it and started spending my nights at the local dance studio.
In addition to my dancing hobby, I wanted to figure out my major and what career I had a passion for. In February, my aunt called and offered to let me stay at her house in Washington, D.C. I began looking for internships or volunteer opportunities that had to with media because that was what I was really interested in. I searched long and hard but I could not lock up anything before I left for DC. (Cue panic). When I arrived, my aunt taught me how to use the metro and helped me brainstorm different places to inquire about work. By the end of my first week, I had an interview with WHUT, the PBS station at Howard University. I also networked and was able to get an opportunity volunteering at NPR headquarters.
My second week in D.C., my aunt’s grandniece from Chile came to live in the house as well; she was here to improve her English. Luckily we instantly hit it off. Through her, I was able to meet her friends from all around the world who soon became great friends. I remember walking back from the metro one day and it hit me that I was the happiest I had been in a long time.
Taking the risk of taking a semester off from school had really paid off, and it felt incredible. I knew that I had to find a way to stay in DC, so I applied to colleges in the area. I was fortunate enough to get into American University.
Looking back, I do not know what I would have done if I had made the easier decision to just stay where I was. It was so difficult to going out into the unknown, but I think it would have been far worse being miserable for my entire college experience. Although it is not for everyone, I think that taking some time off to regroup would be beneficial for many college students. You know yourself better than anyone, so if you feel like you need a breather, it can’t hurt to look into other options.