The Guynecologist Answers Your Questions on Long Distance Relationships, First Dates, & More

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For this article, I am going to answer questions from our readers. Let's start with one question we received:

Should I message boys first on tinder? What is the best first date idea? How do I do long distance over the summer break? Why do boys like Chipotle so much? 

Holy-moly, somebody had FOUR questions for me all submitted at once. 

Should I message boys first on Tinder?

I would give it a few days before deciding to message them first. You want to see if they can step up and be interested enough in you to send a message. But if they haven't yet, it's quite possible that they just forgot. All we get is a single notification, so if we miss that, then we could be missing you. So send us a quick little "Hi, how's your week going?" to remind us of our connection. When you do message first though, what I don't like is just getting a "Hey". Ask me a question or comment about something in my pictures or bio. This is also a way of showing me that you aren't a bot. 

 

What is the best first date idea?

Just a lunch or coffee date is fine. We aren't on The Bachelor for heaven's sake so don't go expecting any helicopter rides or hot tubs. I feel like it's usually common etiquette for guys to plan the first date for girls, but of course not necessary. If you want to be taken somewhere specific though, we will try our best to make it happen, so just speak up. I usually save dinners/movies for a second date, especially if it's somebody I'm meeting for the first time from Tinder. Grabbing lunch or coffee is more casual, and since it's during the daytime, Tinder dates will seem less spooky than mysteriously meeting a suitor at night. 

 

How do I do long distance over summer break?

I think you have to build up a certain amount of time spent dating each other before you can go long distance. For instance, if I've just been seeing been seeing you for a couple of months, and then you decide to go abroad, I'm not confident that I've invested enough of my time in you for us to stay together. On the contrary, if we've been dating for the whole semester, and we each want to go back home for the summer/winter break, I think we've already fortified ourself enough to go long distance. 

When you do go long distance, I think it's most important not to get paranoid. Its really easy on the nights you stay home to wonder what you're partner is doing, if they're going out, feeling temptations, and the like. It does take a lot of trust, so make sure that before you part ways you've established grounds for honesty. 

 

Why do boys like Chipotle so much?

I honestly didn't like Chipotle until I came to college. But then I wanted to make friends through many a fundraiser, and suddenly I was a fan. Additionally, they have vegan options, so it's always a great spot to meet someone with dietary restrictions! My usual order is a bowl of white rice, add lettuce, pinto, chicken and corn! Yummy!

 

Now, moving onto another question I received:

 Hey There!! I was wondering what type of cute texts would keep a girl on your mind ;)  

Definitely texts from or about her would keep her on my mind.

In all seriousness though, it is nice to keep in touch when we aren't meeting in person. My first tip would be to maintain transactive lines of communication. After your partner asks you a question, try to ask something back to them. While this may seem like a basic conversational tip, it makes each person in a relationship feel heard. Ask your partner how their day has been; show interest in the things you know your partner is interested in.

Another thing I always like, is to remember the special times we had together. Send me throwbacks of those moments; finally, pass along that selfie we took that you said you wanted to send to me. Tell me about how you're thinking abut that night we went to the awesome gelato shop and you want to go back soon! It's nice to reminisce. 

Lastly, I want to know about the cool things you are doing. If you see something beautiful or fascinating and I'm not there to share it with you, let me know! If we're in a relationship, it's not just because I think you're attractive --I actually think you're interesting and want to get to know you more. So let me into your world and show me what moves you.

 

While you can try to implement all of the above strategies, remember that they're only true to an extent. If I get too many text messages, I'm probably going to get annoyed. That isn't anything against you, but just know that if I don't respond for a long time, I'm not trying to be rude. I just get tired after texting for too long or if I see my push notifications peppered with heart emojis. I'll never turn down a hugging face though. *Insert hugging face*

 

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