Being openly bisexual means all too often having to navigate awkward and inappropriate questions. Monosexuals, regardless of whether they’re straight or gay and lesbian, seem to struggle with those who love many genders. So, for their benefit, here’s a list of things to NOT say to bisexuals.
1. Why don’t you just pick a side? I don’t know, probably because my sexuality isn’t limited to a single gender and to neglect my attraction would impede my love life.
2. You only kiss girls because men think it’s hot. This is not only rude, it’s also sexist. My sexuality doesn’t exist for the pleasure of men, and quite frankly it shouldn’t be a turn on either.
3. You’re not really bisexual; everyone thinks the same sex is pretty. There’s a difference between appreciating an aesthetic and being romantically and sexually attracted to someone. There are people who I’m not attracted to, but I dig their aesthetic. I know the difference, and so do you.
4. Bisexuals don’t belong in queer circles/bisexuals have straight privilege. Excuse you, to assume that bisexuals are straight because they’re single or in opposite sex relationships is heteronormative, not straight privilege. Having your identity erased is not straight privilege. Furthermore, the LGBT movement, including pride parades, was spearheaded by bisexual women.
5. So are you gay/straight now? No. The gender of my partner does not change or dictate my sexual orientation. I don’t stop being bisexual because of my monogamous relationships.
6. So do you just have sex with anyone? Absolutely not. Just because gender doesn’t play into my sexual attraction doesn’t mean I’ll sleep with anyone who’ll give me the time of day (not that that’s a bad thing – just don’t presume). Furthermore, how arrogant is it to assume that simply because your gender falls in line with my sexual orientation I’ll sleep with you?
7. It’s just a phase. My middle school obsession with dragons was a phase. This is my biology.
8. I get it, you’re bisexual! Why are you so obsessed? Bisexual women are more likely than lesbian and straight women to be victims of violent assault. Bisexual women are more likely to report sexual violence and less likely to receive help. And yet, Netflix can’t even utter the word bisexual. Of course I’m obsessed.
9. Bi means two, so bisexuals can only be attracted to men and women. Not exactly – bisexuality means an attraction to two or more genders. Some bisexuals are only attracted to men and women. Others, like me, are attracted to men, women and everything outside or between. For some bisexuals, gender plays a role in their sexual attraction. For those like me, gender is irrelevant. Bisexual is an umbrella term, and we’re a diverse bunch.
Some of these questions come from a place of innocent ignorance. Others, from a place of aggressive hatred. Either way, alienating and disrespecting bisexuals is an act of violence. Because like it or not, we exist and we’re not going anywhere.