Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
My boyfriend and his ex are still friends. I know he’s over her, but I’m not so sure about her. Their close relationship makes me feel really insecure. How can I approach him without seeming crazy? – New Girlfriend at Northeastern
That’s never a good sign. True, some relationships end and both parties remain friendly. Chalk it up for your boyfriend that he’s not a psycho-ex, where the simple mention of his former girlfriend makes him turn into the Incredible Hulk. However, you have a reasonable worry and discussing it is worth the effort.
Obviously, don’t make a scene. You’ve noted that and I’d refrain from bringing it up when the ex-girlfriend is around and/or either of you is drunk. That raises crazy flags every time. Also, don’t bring it up when you’re getting intimate. That’s a buzz-kill that’ll guarantee more heated exchanges than reasonable dialogue.
Next time you’re with him be upfront about their friendship. Ask where they stand and mention that it concerns you. Again, don’t blow up on him; however, act sincere to ensure a) he gets the message and b) you’ll conduct yourselves like adults when discussing it.
There’s the chance that he could feed you B.S. or you’ll leave with more questions than answers. There’s really nothing about the situation that will make you conclude, “gee, they’re just friends. No worries.” However, you can get a better idea about how they currently view each other and show that you’re worried.
If he’s a good boyfriend, he’ll explain the situation and calm your insecurity. Read his future body language and interactions with her to see if he’s being honest that they’re just good friends. If you judge their friendship as too-good-to-be-true, a larger discussion of your relationship might be necessary. That discussion might also be necessary if you don’t feel that you can trust him. This scenario puts his friendship with his ex in the spotlight, so any doubts about his authenticity regarding her shouldn’t go ignored.
Just remember to be cool, calm and collected when you ask. Speak with confidence—and sincerity—and you should be able to fix the situation without seeming like that other dreaded “C” word.