Writing this, I stare at my screen, and have the bitter taste of the sadness and pain you brought me build once again in the back of my throat. I take a deep swallow and continue to think.
I go deeper and deeper into the meaning of our relationship, and the meaning of us. It’s crazy how one person can come just at the right time, step in at the right moment and shift everything you knew about love.
I was never a firm believer in young love. I thought it was childish and foolish for kids our age, even younger, to claim they know what love, in a romantic way at least, is. Next thing you know, I was this foolish girl. I was the girl who gave up every precious thing she had kept dear to be with you.
I knew I loved you. My mother always told me that love is when you would sacrifice yourself, physically and emotionally, for that other person. And that is how I felt, and I felt it so deeply in my bones. I became the girl who didn’t believe it could all come crashing down.
Yet, one day, it did. That is when I knew for sure that I was in deep, and I was stuck. When you said goodbye, I sunk into a daze. I was trapped in dome sort of sick dream. Love is like a drug, you know. It gives you a rush, a kind of high that’s like no other. It makes you feel taller in this big world; it makes you feel stronger under society’s heavy weight. But when that sort of feeling is suddenly taken away from you, you become ill, like a drug withdrawal. You feel your body shake as you cry. You get sick. You feel your mind is a haze.
I felt as though I was moving from place to place, not really living but simply existing. I wish I could describe to you the pain I felt as I held back the tears all day, and then finally released them at night. God, it was so hard getting over you.
But, it’s true what they say: time heals all wounds. Eventually I realized that seeing you didn’t sting as much, and hearing your name didn’t make me want to run. Talking about the day you left didn’t make me want to die anymore and hearing about your new girls didn’t make me retreat.
I knew I had gotten over you when I started typing this letter. All because I had typed,“loved” in the title. As in the past, because that is where our story belongs.
So thank you for all the life lessons you have given me. Thank you for teaching me how to pick up a shattered heart. Thank you for making me put it back together myself. Thank you for making me stronger. But most of all, thank you for teaching me not only how to love others, but also myself.
Sincerely,
The girl you once loved