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15 Things You Should Never Tell Your Boyfriend

Posted Jan 16 2014 - 2:00pm
Tagged With: humor, lists, relationships

We’ve all heard a million times since our pre-pre-collegiette days in elementary school: honesty is the best policy. Cool, we get it. But sometimes, telling the absolute truth isn’t always going to sway in your favor. As we’ve said before, when it comes to relationships, some things are just better left unsaid. So where do you draw the line between a friendly conversation and a complete over-share? Well, we’ve got you covered with our 15 secrets that you just should not tell your boyfriend—beware of the TMI!

“My period is really heavy today!”
He gets it: you’re a girl and you get your period. He probably even passed high school sex-ed with flying, crimson colors. That being said, just because he knows it biologically happens monthly, doesn’t mean he needs to know exactly when it’s happening, and he especially doesn’t want heavier details. If it’s a crime scene in your pants, please, keep it to yourself. Telling him “I’m on my period” is detail enough.

“Ugh, I’m just feeling so gassy today.”
Apparently, some guys missed the bio lesson that went over that one minor, yet hugely major, detail: we all go to the bathroom—I know, I was shocked too when I first found out (Ryan Gosling? Bathroom? What?). So now that we’re all on the same page about bodily functions, let’s get a few more things straight. Just because you’re feeling a little, well, a little bubbly per say, doesn’t mean you should go off flaunting your flatulence to your boyfriend. He knows you go, but at the same time, he doesn’t need to know you go. You catch my drift?

“You know, you’re the smallest guy I’ve ever been with… down there. It’s okay though!”
Nothing says, “I’m really into you” like an insult exchanged in bed. Not only is it a major slap in the face, but it’s also a complete mood crusher. He’s never going to want to get physical with you with that constantly ringing in his head—you might as well have just castrated him and sent him out into the wild.

“I can’t tell if I prefer the scented or unscented tampons more.”
Tampons gross guys out, whether they smell like roses or otherwise. Even unopened and unused, your boyfriend is likely to squirm at the thought. So take the debate to Google, your girlfriends, or any girl you happen to run into during a bathroom break.

“You know, you’re physically not my type.”
We’ve all fallen for that guy outside of our comfort zone. Whether he’s shorter than you, thinner than you, or that surfer dude that you would usually never look twice at, we can’t help who we crush on. But, just because you picked someone from outside the box, doesn’t mean you need to share it. Would you like it if your boyfriend told you he usually goes for leggy blondes whose last full meal was from inside the womb? Yeah, we didn’t think so either…

“My bra is padded.”
Guys can be simple-minded. Let him believe they’re real. A little white lie and a hint of mystery never hurt anyone (at least, not to our knowledge).

“I have a foot fungus. Wanna see?”
Nope, just nope. Feet are gross and do we even have to go over our thoughts on fungus?

“No one actually flosses daily… and brushing your teeth twice a day? Why do you think they invented gum? Duh.”
Hygiene. We’re all about it, all the time. Good, clean fun never hurt a soul.

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