Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
So, I totally have a crush on this Greek god look-alike, Harvard athlete guy. We met in January and have been flirting since, made out, and hooked up recently on a particularly passionate evening. Even though he appears perfect on the outside and on paper, he is still a shy-type guy, and I think I definitely feel real chemistry. He is the sweetest guy and really interesting and smart and fun. I want to know how to take this non-committal flirtation and turn it up a notch—I want this guy! What can I do to let this guy know I am truly interested in him, not just his rap sheet? How do I separate myself from every other girl who wants him? – Confused in Cambridge
Well, Ms. “Confused in Cambridge,” it looks as though you’ve already found out how to impress the guy you like. Since your description of a “Greek god look-alike, Harvard athlete” is clearly a thinly-veiled code name for “5’10”, blond, male Her Campus columnist,” you seem to innately know the path to my heart. Step 1: Submit a question to Real Live College Guy Joe. Step 2: Come to the Cambridge bar, which I have been outside of for the past week, striking my shirtless “Greek god look-alike” pose in hopes that you will walk by and recognize me.
And, listen, I know I’m shy, but that just means I have a richer intellectual life than most. So, the best way to get my attention is to show, as you’ve already done, that you like me for me. I know I have a sculpted chest. I know I can throw the lax ball at the net-thingy really fast. Or slow, whichever one you’re supposed to do.
All the ladies love me for that. But the only lady I will love will be the one who doesn’t care about the superficial stuff but who cares about what I care about. Those things are, in order: 1) Qdoba, 2) Chipotle, 3) Anna’s Taqueria, 4) world peace. If you show that you’re interested in what I’m deeply interested in, like to have long and meaningful conversations about those things, and make me feel as though I know just a little bit more about those things than you do, then you’ll be the one for me.
And another thing: apparently we’ve already hooked up and made out a bunch of times. This sounds as though it was nice—I wish I could remember doing all that. But, I want to see that you’re interested in more than the physical. Next time we’re at a party, don’t immediately throw your slobbery hot lips at me like every other female in the room. Wait until we’ve talked for at least five, no more than 10, seconds first. And invite me out to coffee. I’m shy; I won’t invite you to coffee because I think you’ll say no. But, if you invite me once, I will 1) Be so so happy, 2) Definitely go to coffee with you, 3) Make myself learn to like coffee between now and our coffee date, and 4) Invite you on coffee dates in the future. I’ll even pay! But only if you get a venti—that means “small,” right?
Here comes the final step. You’re on your coffee date, but what do you do to fill in the time before we get to make out? Well, this is actually the most important time for you to do what you, specifically, want to do: show me you’re interested in something more with me. Like I said before, show an interest in what I’m interested in. Listen, ‘cuz not only us guys have to do that. And nudge me toward inviting you on a second date. And, if I’m really that shy, hell, invite me on the second date. Keep inviting me on dates until I get the freaking point. Us guys can be stupid like that. Cutely stupid winky face winky face.
I’ve clearly substituted myself for whatever lucky hunk you’ve had your eye on. Fine, you got me. But we’ve had a good run, haven’t we? And I hope we’ve learned something today: if it’s the hunk you want, don’t treat him like the hunk. Whenever he interacts with anyone, it’s probably on the same, surface level all of the time. You play lacrosse? Ooh, that’s hot. You’re an attractive guy at Harvard? Whoops, there go my pants. This gets boring for him. I’m sure all he wants is someone who can penetrate his layer of hotness, find his weaknesses, fears, inner desires, and talk about them with him honestly and supportively. Everyone needs someone to interact with on a personal level, and, paradoxically, the most popular people have the most trouble finding that person.
So, make yourself that person. It’s not that hard. Just talk to him about real stuff—about how he feels about things in his life or in the world. You can even say, flat out, “I don’t care about the sport you play. I want to know about you.” Us hunks fall for that every time. It sounds as though you’ve already developed a relationship with him, so you’re off to a good start.