We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
So I met a really cool guy at a frat party — the tall, dark and handsome type. We seemed to be digging each other: We had a nice chat and danced for a while, and I got his number. He invited me back to his room, but I gently declined. Then I found my gal pals and hung with them for the rest of the outing. I have a hunch the dude was hunting for a hook-up, but since I got his name and number and we seemed to have some chemistry, I want to at least give it a go at asking him to hang out.
What’s the best next move? Wait a couple days to text him? Text him sooner? Ask him to coffee? Friend him on Facebook? Wait till next weekend to see if he wants to go out? I have a habit of either chasing a guy too readily or “playing it cool” too hard to where it seems like I’m not interested (or interesting). –Single at SLO
Single at SLO,
If you haven’t texted him already, get on it. The clock is ticking, and while he may be interested now (read on for more), he won’t wait around forever.
I know there’s a casual atmosphere in college where sometimes you might add one of your study-group friends on Facebook (I did that with a girl mostly because I had a massive crush on her), but I think adding this guy on Facebook right away is a risky move. You hardly know him, and while you might have been “digging each other,” he might be a little put off by the fact that you Facebook-stalked him. I understand why you might do it, but it’s a little weird. I wouldn’t risk it.
You might be wondering why texting is fine but finding him on Facebook is not. I think it all comes down to privacy, or at least the idea of social walls. Somehow — either by him giving it to you or someone else doing it — you have his phone number. More or less, you have permission to text him. Texting a guy and digging through his Facebook profile are two very different things. In one of those quirky romantic comedies, adding him on Facebook might seem like a fantastic idea. In real life, it seems like overkill. In this case, a simple text should do the job.
Getting back to you actually texting him…
Yes, go for it! Ask him to coffee or smoothies or lunch! If you two really got along as well as you’re saying, I don’t see why he’d turn it down. Frankly, if a girl who turned me down for a hook-up texted me to ask me out, I’d be impressed. I’d jump at the opportunity, mostly because I enjoy the chase. My thought process would be something like, “Okay, she turned me down, but now she wants to go out. Why?” I’d need to know why. His thought process may be different, but it all boils back down to how interested he really is.
You’re asking me what the next best move is, but you ended up writing your own answer: Shoot him a text and ask him out. I’m almost certain that he’ll say yes, even if it’s out of sheer curiosity.