We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed over a fling gone wrong or a recently wrecked relationship, or you’re wondering how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating experience.
I’m funny, I’m smart and I have a great social life, but there is one area where it’s lacking: boys. The problem is, I fall for every cute boy in a 10-mile radius, and no matter how many dates I go on, I always end up without a second date. Help! I know guys are interested, but apparently not the ones I’m interested in. What am I doing wrong? -Don’t Want to Be Desperate at Davidson
Davidson,
Well you’re certainly a humble one. Right off the bat, Davidson, I can tell you that your attitude might be the first problem.
As I’m sure you’ve heard, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is sexy; arrogance is not. Arrogance is confidence mixed in with a little too much pride. Put it this way: confidence is walking the walk, arrogance is talking the talk. And as much as I hate to say it, you seem to have overstepped the line that separates the two.
You’re funny, you’re smart, you have a great social life—all of that is great and I’m stoked that you have that confidence in yourself, because too many women these days lack that. However, saying you know guys are interested (just not the ones you’re interested in!) takes away from that attractive confidence. How do you know guys are interested? And moreover, if they’re so interested in you, then why can you never land a second date?
My first piece of advice is to change your mindset. What is it about the many men who apparently like you that you dislike? Are they unmotivated? Stinky? Lazy? What exactly is it about these men in particular that turns you off?
Second, if you haven’t already, you need to figure out what it is you do actually like in men. Are these things realistic? We’ve all got dream partners, and while I’m not an advocate for settling, I do think that sometimes people need to reconsider what they’re looking for. In order to do this, you need to narrow down what it is about these guys that you disliked in the first place. I’m not saying write out a list, but were there legitimate reasons for their dismissal, or could you just not give them adequate attention?
If the latter option is the case, the issue might be the fact that you allegedly fall for every cute boy around you. If you’re falling for so many men, how can you possibly give one guy the attention he deserves on a date? On top of that, if you’re falling for every cute guy around you, why would any other man feel comfortable taking you out again? What security does he have that you’re even interested in a second date with him if you’re so easily swayed by the looks of another guy?
Look, it’s great that you’re confident in your humor, intelligence and social life. What isn’t great is the fact that you’re so certain that all these guys like you. I’m not saying you’re delusional, but I think you might be stretching reality a bit. Rein it in, come down from the clouds and give a guy a fighting chance.