Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.
Okay, so I went to a party with my friend and this boy kept trying to get with me. We were drunk and eventually ended up hooking up, no sex. Anyway, he walked me home the next morning and when we got to my dorm he gave me a hug, said he had a fun night, slapped my butt, and then didn’t ask for my number. I mean obviously we were both just looking to hook up but we clearly thought each other was cute and he was doing anything (everything?) to get with me when there was plenty of other girls around. How I feel right now is that I wouldn’t let him have me, which made him want me more and then I was drunk so I gave in, and then the next morning he feels like he won because I guess I gave in to him. We had a nice night and talked a good amount, enough for me to think ‘hmm maybe this could be something more,’ and then he didn’t ask. Needless to say I feel a little insulted. Could you tell me why this happened? I’m just feeling like I felt a little something and thought he did too... – Bummed at Babson
Bummed,
One thing jumps out at me here: he slapped your butt? Who does he think he is, your quarterback after you just caught a touchdown pass?
I guess some people are into butt-slapping during a hook-up, but what social norm says to butt-slap when walking you home? I’m sorry, but this right here is the major red flag for me and here’s why: not only did he not ask for your number, but an awkward slap like that really just shows that he disrespects you. The simple answer as to why he didn’t ask for your digits is because he didn’t want them. While the two of you didn’t have sex, if he wanted more from you, then he would have asked for your number.
In my experience, being hot and heavy right away doesn’t lead to a genuine long-term relationship. While I’ve written in the past that hook-ups can lead to more, the fact of the matter is that the likelihood of it happening is not very high.
I hate to say it but you were “used.” Perhaps an alternate plan of action would be to go out on a date with a guy before hooking up (if you are looking for a hook-up to develop into something more). Maybe you can meet someone through a friend so that your buddy can give you the thumbs up or thumbs down on whether he is boyfriend material.
What happened to you with this guy is what has happened to countless college women across the country and beyond (minus the butt-slapping part,-that is pretty unique). This is Exhibit A as to why college guys have a bad reputation and honestly why I strongly advocate meeting friends of friends, pursuing current platonic male friends as possible boyfriends and even online dating opposed to trying to find boyfriend material at a random college party.
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