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I got with this guy one night, we ended up sleeping together, but it was when we were both sober much later into the night. Before that we’d been really cuddly. The next morning he was really cute hugging and kissing me and telling me he didn’t want to leave. But the next time I saw him he was really cold to me. What happened to the cute and cuddly guy?— Confused at Colgate
Confused,
First of all, you need to understand this shouldn’t have happened. You have done nothing wrong and you should not feel bad. This guy sounds like a wimp at best and a jerk at worst, but unfortunately this sort of thing happens all the time.
It sounds as if you didn’t know each other very well, but this guy was really warm and affectionate. Why wouldn’t he be? He just had sex! You’re probably really cute and fun! That didn’t mean he was seriously interested in you, though. It was really shallow of him to behave that way instead of being honest, but he was only interested in a one-time hook-up.
He behaved that way when you saw him again either because he was uncomfortable or just insensitive. He might have regretted the hookup afterwards since he is not interested in anything more than sex and consequently felt really self-conscious talking to you. Less likely, but still possible, is that he took what he wanted and just didn’t care to follow up. He could have been that way to send you the message that he had zero interest. I know. Cold. But it happens.
Regardless of what was going through his mind, it was incredibly insensitive of him to behave that way. My best guess is that he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but he felt acute post-hookup shyness. But the fact that lots of people feel awkward after hook-ups does not excuse his inability to communicate to you how he felt. In the future, vet your hook-ups better beforehand and, next time, just ask the guy flat-out if he wants to see you again.