Dear College Guys,
If your girlfriend has told you how lame and cheesy and commercialized Valentine’s Day is, we promise you she is doing exactly what she did that time you ran into each other in the dining hall after hooking up for the first time: playing it cool. This is the one time we will go on the record for saying this: do not listen to her. Because if you don’t do anything special for her on February 14th, she will take it as a measure of how much you care about the relationship and, by extension, her… (Read: You will be in Taylor Swift We-Are-Never-Ever-Getting-Back-Together kind of trouble.)
Maybe some of you are already cringing, since you equate Valentine’s Day with having someone read Twilight to you, cover to cover. I have three words for you: get over it. I mean, my gosh, we sat through three games of Black Ops with you screaming “Press A!” at us the whole time. Chill out: no one’s asking you to pull a Sweet Home Alabama and rent out Tiffany’s. And only 30 percent of us want you to belt Adele’s “I Won’t Go” in the middle of our dorm courtyard.
What do we want? We want John-Tucker-Must-Die players turned Romeos outside our balconies. We want Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You, serenading us in the stadium bleachers in front of our entire team. We want Ryan Gosling outside our door (shirtless) saying, “Hey girl, I’ve got a hot air balloon and a bottle of champagne waiting for us outside.” Take notes from Madonna, boys, and express yourselves. Write a letter, sing a song, send a blimp. You don’t have to be Prince Charming. You just have to be yourself… but more charming.
Those of you who are thinking about how there’s no balcony outside your girlfriend’s window, how Heath Ledger was way more bad*** as the Joker, or how you can’t afford a hot air balloon, you really needed to read this letter. Use your heads. What does your girlfriend like? What does she always talk about? How and where did you two meet? What kinds of things does she never, ever throw away? You want to know what all this brainstorming adds up to? Romance. Not mass-produced teddy bears with little white “I <3 you” t-shirts romance, but Beyoncé-Drunk-in-Love romance.
So, gentlemen, show up outside of her least favorite class with a bouquet of flowers, make her a soundtrack of all the songs you associate with her, tag her in your Facebook statuses. Suck it up for one day because you’re crazy about her. We promise you can go back to Black Ops tomorrow.