Her Gay Best Friend: Recycle, Seduce, Reuse - When to Give Second Chances and When to Dispose of an Ex for Good

We need to talk.

With classes up and running again, it can be really easy to fall back into old patterns from last semester. You may have spent the summer getting rid of your hard-partying habits, but with five friends egging you on it's just too hard to say no to two-for-one night at Tequila Mockbird. And I know you're trying your damnedest to be on time for all of your classes - it's just that sometimes you don't hear your alarm go off. Or your second alarm go off. Or the texts I send you. Or your suitemate knocking on the door.

And then there's your ex.

Last May you couldn't stop talking about all of the reasons your breakup was for the best - he never listened, he never made time for you, he wasn't potty-trained after a couple of beers - but after a three month hiatus all of those reasons seem so insignificant. After all, who needs someone who listens to your words when you both communicate on a much deeper level? And less time together only makes the little time you see each other that much more special. As for the pee...well puppies have a little accident every now and then, but we don't write them off entirely, do we?

Now you're starting to reconsider. Maybe you two should give it another shot! And you don't mean two ounces of liquor (although that probably would help the situation) - you're talking about a real second chance for you two to make it work. I mean, if he was worth dating the first time who's to say he isn't worth dating again?

Well, hold the phone, Carrie Bradshaw. There are a bunch of things that should never be done more than once - like eating an entire Coldstone cake or watching “Two Girls, One Cup.” Now, I'm not saying that each man is only good for one use, but there are certain things you should think about before you recycle a past relationship.

How do you know when to try again and when it's best just to scrap it? Ask yourself the following questions.

Did he cheat on you?
I'm not sure if I put my faith in the “once a cheater, always a cheater” philosophy of men, but there is another adage I agree with 100%:

It's easier to forgive than forget.

Just because he cheated in the past doesn't mean that he'll cheat again, but you don't know that for certain. And now that it's happened once, you'll just be waiting for it to happen again.

If he goes out to a party without you, there's a good chance you'll spend your night wondering if he'll drink a little too much and get nasty with that skanky bio TA who wears jeggings in the winter. And if he tells you that he can't make dinner because he's “hanging out with his friends,” you might just convince yourself that “his friends” are a pack of nudist teens who easily give in to peer pressure and that “hanging out” is an obscure sexual term you'll find a definition for later on Urban Dictionary.

Whether he cheats again or not, the trust is already gone from your relationship, and you could drive yourself crazy wondering when the other shoe (read: penis) is going to drop (read: enter another vagina). I advise you save yourself the trouble and chuck this one back into the dumpster.   

Have circumstances changed since the breakup?
In a number of ways, relationships are like cell phones. Both connect people together. Both cost a certain amount of money each month. Both are in danger when there are too many children running around. And, just like cell phones, relationships can break in extreme conditions.

Yes, just as your cell phone can fall apart if you aren't paying attention and accidentally step on it, your relationship can fall apart if you both are swamped with studying for the MCATs and never have time to see each other. Or if his family is going through a tough time, and he isn't handling the stress well. Or if you go abroad and his laptop breaks, leaving you to manage long distance without the consolation of Skype-sex.

It is a sad thing when a relationship falters under the pressure of the outside world, but it doesn't mean that things aren't worth another try. You just need to ask yourself: are things any better now than they were then?

Sure it may have been his heavy workload that caused him to neglect you, but if he's still taking just as many courses and boosting his resume for internship applications, he's not going to be any more attentive than he used to be. But if you're back from abroad or his family problems have calmed down a little bit, then it could be worth it to go back to the same cell phone model instead of going for one of those flashy, new ones with a touchscreen.

Let's just hope that this time no one spills a drink on it or anything.