Real Live College Guy Sean: My Friend Acts Flirty With the Guy I Like

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Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!

There is a guy I like at my school who is named Sam*. Usually whenever we hang out it's with my other friend, Emma*. Unlike me, she is very flirtatious and outgoing. I am more reserved and don't "flirt" with every guy. I know for sure she doesn't like Sam because she has a boyfriend. However, when all three of us hang out I feel in her shadow, always trying to "compete" for Sam’s attention. When Sam and I do end up alone I feel like I can't act like myself because I have to live up to her energy and what not. How can I make him see I like him? - Lost in the Shadows at Lafayette

Lost in the Shadows,

Feeling like you have to compete for someone’s attention sucks, but it happens to everyone at some point. Believe it or not, a lot of guys have this problem. Even the most outgoing of us struggle to express ourselves as individuals when we’re in a group. Getting out there can be tough.

Firstly, tell Emma about your feelings for Sam and ask for her help. Tell her exactly what you’ve told me here. You like this guy, but you can’t match her when it comes to her extroversion. I guarantee that once she knows about your intentions, she’ll relax and shift the focus towards you when the three of you hang out. But when you tell her, tell her nicely (telling her not to be the female equivalent of a c*ckblock is not an effective way of communicating). Also, if the focus shifts too much towards you when you hang out, he might realize that something is up. Instead, tell her gently how difficult it is to flirt sometimes when she’s around. I’m pretty sure that she isn’t trying to deny your attempts to flirt, especially since she has a boyfriend.

Now on to the difficult part: relaxing. When you’re alone with Sam, don’t worry about matching your friend’s flirty style. Different guys are into girls with different personalities. Sometimes, we’re more attracted to the quieter ones because they’re more mysterious. Who knows what this guy is into? However, telling Emma how you feel will make it easier to chat with him when you’re in a group. If she’s a good friend, she’ll help you out. When it’s just you and him, he may be looking for a quieter, more intimate style of hanging out anyways.

However, do make an effort to visibly show interest in this guy. For many who are less smooth with their words, body language can be your savior. When the two of you are together, make sure you’re orienting yourself to give off affectionate body language. Whatever you guys do together, make sure that you’re positioning your body towards him more and try leaning more in his direction (so go ahead and bat those eyelashes until they hurt). Don’t slouch, smile as much as you can, and if you’re feeling like a romantic Evel Knievel, don’t be afraid to touch him affectionately. Throw your hand on his knee or his forearm every now and then. The right touch can provide all the right communication. But obviously, the amount of contact depends on your personality. You may feel uncomfortable reaching out and playfully punching him, but remember that you need to take risks.

For all you know, he’s facing the same dilemma about flirting with you.

Photo Credit:
Couple flirting, jealous girl

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About The Author

Sean is a senior at the University of Pittsburgh majoring in communications and minoring in film studies. Attending NYU in the fall to pursue a Masters in Journalism, Sean enjoys writing about virtually anything. In his time at Pitt, Sean has worked as a DJ for an automotive program on campus and abroad in London.

Sean is originally from Rhode Island, which is far from Pittsburgh, but he is fond of the scenic drive. Sean likes tea instead of coffee, photography, and fire alarm testing (through his cooking). Sean also enjoys playing guitar and piano, skiing, golfing, and practical jokes. You can follow Sean on Twitter at @seanmcfarland1.