Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
I was seeing a guy for about a month and things were going really well when he decided he needed to figure out how to be single and wanted us to be “just friends.” We’re in the same group of friends so we hang out basically every day. Is there a chance he’ll ever want to be more than friends again? How should I act around him? –Friends at Fairfield
Take his response, “I want to figure out how to be single,” as a euphemism for “I just don’t have feelings for you.”
That’s not what you wanted to hear, but that’s the reality. Being in the same friend circle makes things difficult, however, now that you know he just wasn’t that into you. Don’t hold out hope that he’ll suddenly have a change of heart, but don’t think that you can’t have a functioning friendship either.
If you two were seeing each other, then there’s no reason that you can’t still remain amiable. Approach him like you would any of your other pals: talk with him, socialize with him and don’t avoid him. Avoiding him will only perpetuate awkwardness. Also, don’t bring up your past history. Mentioning former dates could signal that you’re either a) desperate and/or b) not over his decision to end things.
Stick to these two tenets and there’s no reason you can’t co-exist together. But understand that being friends or civilized acquaintances is the only dynamic that will occur for the time being. He obviously doesn’t want a relationship and he’s definitely not going to try and rekindle whatever you two had. I could be wrong about your particular situation, but when guys want to be single, they are committed to that lifestyle.
Keep an open mind and set your sights on another guy. No point in wasting time waiting for a decidedly single male who didn’t have feelings for you to begin with.