Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
I was at a party with some friends the other night, and I began talking to this guy. We talked for pretty much the entire night, and when we got separated, we could come back to each other (he did it, too, not just me). He even bought me a drink. But once he and the friend he was with had to leave, he didn’t ask for my number. What could I have done wrong?– Numberless at Northeastern
First, let’s make sure you did all the things every girl (and boy, for that matter) should do while flirting. Did you stretch before flirting? Did you ask him what kind of things he is interested in, and then laugh condescendingly but with an endearing hint of a snort? Did you remember to talk about the weather? Did you tell the story about how you made sure your phone number was 617-AOO-OOGA?
You did? Hmm… then I honestly don’t know what went wrong. But I’ve gone into the underground Real Live College Guy laboratory, run the tests, done the experiments, played with the dry ice, and I have come back with some theories.
Hypothesis A: The most probable cause of this outcome is that Subject 1 (The Misguided Boy) already had a high dosage of girlfriend in his life (confounding variable X). Hence the natural phenomenon of Subject 1 snubbing Subject 2 (You).
Hypothesis B: Subject 1 (Boy) was simply too nervous to ask Subject 2 (You) for her number. While this scenario may seem unlikely, it has been documented in the natural world multiple times (SEE ALSO: Every girl Real Live College Guy Joe has talked to at a bar). The most common causes of this scenario are excessive prettiness on part of Girl and/or inadequate amount of alcohol consumed by Boy.
Hypothesis C: Subject 1 (Boy) had a dentist appointment to get to.
Hypothesis D (least probable): Subject 1 simply did not want to give his number to Subject 2. Cue hell freezing over.
In the very, very statistically unlikely chance that Hypothesis D proves correct – some test results are pending – here are some things you could do better next time:
- Make sure to compliment him, guys love that. Like: “Nice shirt,” or “I can tell you have a really, really, big phone number…”
- If you’re willing to get frisky, show it. The biggest turn-off for guys at parties is ice-queenery. Maybe casually show you can fit your whole fist in your mouth.
- Flirt a little with his friend and see if he gets jealous. This is an easy way to gauge his interest in you, and you can pit the two against each other to make sure you go home with the stronger guy.
- Ask him to dance. You’ll definitely be swapping numbers if you grind up on him really close and plug your number into his phone with your butt.
- Be a little mysterious. But not goth-mysterious, unless you’re at a goth party. Make him want to call or Ouija-board a message to you later.
- A good compliment at a goth party is “Nice shirt.”
And remember: nothing says you can’t ask him for his number other than hundreds of years of male-dominated social constructs. So, if it’s getting late, you’ve exhausted all these helpful tricks, and the only thing between him and the door is you, physically restraining him, go ahead and ask for his number. Guys appreciate when girls show the initiative – trust me, it makes things much less intimidating for us. And if he says no, well, he says no. The worst thing that could happen is you locate his car and come into possession of a baseball bat.