Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
If you’re a shy guy, and on Facebook all the time, is it cool for me (a girl who you smile and wave to whenever we make eye contact around campus) to IM you? How Can I make it clear to you that I’m interested without being too forward? As the girl, I’d ideally like you to make the first move, but really I just can’t bear to wait, since you’re being so darned shy. Granted, I only see you when you’re with your friends or I’m with mine… I just don’t know how to get a more meaningful interaction in with you. – Nerd-lover at Nebraska
You should know, Nerd-lover, that because I am a nerd myself, upon reading your question I immediately fell in love with you. So, I am in a very good position to answer your question from your nerd-crushes perspective. Also, you will be receiving a few pounds of anonymous love sonnets in your mailbox soon. Please do not be alarmed.
The answer is Yes, definitely Facebook chat him. It would be nice if he contacted you first, even nicer if he did so by playing a violin sonata outside of your window at midnight on a breezy summer’s eve. But he is, as you say, a nerd. The nerd genus, or homo-computergameus, is known for our aversion to sunlight and infrequent mating habits. Our usual habitat is a musty dorm room and our diet consists mostly of Funyuns. Seriously, though, if you are truly a nerd-lover, isn’t his shyness partially what makes him attractive in the first place?
So, next time you see him on Facebook and have some good lines about Super Metroid and problem sets at the ready, shoot him an IM. The whole reason he’s on Facebook so much is that he craves social interaction, just doesn’t know how to get it. A virtual conversation will be the perfect way to help him out into the open. His wildest dream is probably that some pretty, nerd-loving girl chats him out of the blue. So he will certainly be thrilled to see a message from you – he probably doesn’t get many unsolicited IMs. Don’t be insulted if he doesn’t respond for a while, as he’ll probably be recovering from a heart attack.
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Plus, a Facebook message is not the same as asking him on a date. It’s just striking up conversation. Girls do that with shy guys in person all the time. However, after you have a wonderful conversation full of theorems and computer codes, there’s still a chance he will have no idea what to do next – i.e., ask you on a date. Don’t be alarmed. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s that thinking about it gives him another heart attack. You may need to goad him on, like this:
Nerd: so I was all like “Foucault wouldn’t say so!”
Nerd-lover: LOL! God I love your sense of humor.
Nerd: …
Nerd-lover: Hello?
Nerd: Sry, I had a heart attack.
Nerd-lover: Oh, sry. Anyways, I have nothing to do tmrw between 1 and 3. im gonna be SO BORED and also sitting in Starbucks all alone with no one to sit with. Doesn’t that suck?
Nerd: … sorry, 3 more heart attacks.
Nerd-lover: Maybe I’ll see you there?
Nerd: … I love you.
It makes me so happy that you’re going to make a shy guy’s day. So, go forth, Nerd-lover, go forth and do your blessed work. And, for all you egg-head-loving readers who may be put in a similar situation, take heed. If a guy’s too shy to talk to you, go ahead and make the first contact. On Facebook, in person, with a carrier pigeon – anything’s fine. He will be seriously grateful, and might pledge his undying allegiance to you. And you won’t be sorry, either – still waters run deep, and are usually really good at math.
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