The Dos and Don’ts of Making the First Move

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According to tradition, boys chase girls, men propose to women, and we need to sit and wait for the right guy to come along rather than going out and finding him ourselves. Well, you know what? Screw that! The year is 2011 and feminism is no longer just a movement, it’s a reality. We get to call the shots now, and if we set our sights on a hot guy, we shouldn’t be afraid to approach him!
We’re all for equality, right? So if we expect a guy to hit on us, we should be able to do the same.  Granted, I don’t mean walking up to the next cute guy you see and dropping a cheesy pick-up line on him - seriously, does that actually work for anyone?? No, the best way to go about making the first move is to follow our tips and listen to the experiences of real collegiettes™ across the country.

DO Be Confident
If there is one trait that people universally find attractive, it’s confidence. A little self-assurance and poise go a long way! When you’re out somewhere and spot a hottie, follow these simple steps:

  • Fix your hair
  • Check your teeth
  • Smile your dazzling smile
  • Talk to him

Dr. Dennis Neder, author of Being a Man in a Woman’s World (what an awesome title for a book) is constantly consulted by women on how to approach a man, and he tells them all the same thing: make eye contact, smile, go over to him, and say something! According to Dr. Neder, “by saying hello, you’re opening the door for a guy to begin his approach with you.” This doesn’t mean you should walk up to a boy and pour your heart out (in fact, don’t do that ever to a guy you just met). You just need to dig deep and find whatever confidence you have, and use it to your advantage. These girls did it - you can too!

“I've always typically subscribed to the ‘guys should make the first move’ school of thought, but a month ago I was in a bookstore killing time and I noticed a cute guy checking out the same bookshelf. I saw what book he was looking at and I commented on it. We ended up talking about our favorite books for an hour! We exchanged numbers and have gone out a couple of times.” – Lauren, Carnegie Mellon University
“I approached a guy in line at a bar. I walked right up to him, introduced myself, and asked him to pay my cover. I've heard of some girls doing this just to use guys and then never talk to them again, but not me. I was interested in this guy so I made sure I got his attention. We've been dating ever since. I think girls should feel confident enough to make the first move instead of the guy doing everything.”  –  Erica, University of Michigan

DO Find A Wing(wo)man
Just in case you don’t have the guts to hit on a guy alone (or you can’t get him away from his pack of bros), enlist a faithful friend to help you out. Odds are you’ve got at least one friend who’s on the prowl just like you, so work together. Talking to a guy is so much easier when you have a friend to hold your hand and entertain hisfriend, and if all goes well, you have another couple to double-date with! Worst case scenario? You and your BFF spend the rest of the night laughing about the encounter and the jerks who missed the chance of a lifetime.
“My best friend is the kind of girl who can talk to anyone about anything, and even though she has a boyfriend, she always plays wingwoman for me. I’m kind of shy, so it’s always great to have her there to keep a conversation going and sort of pull me out of my shell. Plus, I know she’d never try to steal the guy I have my eye on!” - Grace, University of Michigan

DON’T Rely on Liquid Courage
Let me lay it down for you: Having a drink to loosen you up and calm your nerves is good. Drinking enough to make you forget your own name is bad. You want to be confident, comfortable, and coherent, not falling over your own feet and slurring your words. Too many great girls have fallen back on booze as a confidence booster and scared away the guy they wanted to impress.
“There was a guy at a bar that I thought was really hot - way too hot to be interested in me. But my friends dared me to talk to him, so we threw back shots until I didn’t care if he turned me down. Honestly, I don’t really remember if I even spoke to him, but I do remember getting sick, ruining my dress, and definitely NOT getting his number.” - Jody, Boston University
“I drank too much right before hitting on a guy at a party. I kept my act together for a little while, but after a few minutes, all that alcohol started to hit me. It must have freaked him out, because he quickly excused himself and left me with my friend. I see him on campus or at other parties and it’s really awkward.” - Georgia, Montclair State University


About The Author

A junior at Mount Holyoke College, Madeline is majoring in English with a minor in Art History. Currently she is serving as an editor for the MH News, as well as Social Chair for the class of 2012. Her interests include art, traveling, competitive sports, writing, reading, animals of all kinds, and spending as much time with her friends as possible. Her goals include publishing her fiction, and seeing and writing about as much of the world as possible.