Got a burning love life q? Consult our Real Live College Guy (he also goes by Chase). Each month, our RLCG will take you inside the college guy’s brain to demystify your tricky, sticky, icky love (can you even call it that?) situations. Ready? Here goes!
Every guy I meet—mostly at parties—seems to only be interested in the “girl of the night” type of thing. Don’t get me wrong, this is fun for a little while, but now I just want something consistent (it doesn’t have to be a relationship). So, where do I meet these guys? Should I be doing (or not doing) anything specifically? Thanks RLCG!
– Quizzical at Quinnipiac
RLCG: Dating exists in college. Believe me. You just need to make yourself dateable. Meeting legitimate guys looking for a legitimate time at parties is possible. Instead of becoming the “girl of the night,” become the girl they wished was the “girl of the night.” Flirt, have a good time, pass a number. Now here is the real key that every guy who reads this will hate me for: don’t hook up with him. Countless guys across the school have made pledges not to date girls who hook up with them at or after a party. Can you see what that would say about you? Tell him if and when he asks you to “go for a walk” or “come back and see his family pictures” that you’re not that kind of girl. Tell him that you would love to go out for dinner or something. Then, establish a time and date. Here is the key. Now you have yourself a date and the guy will be left with both the confidence of having picked up a girl and a little mysterious intrigue, which can’t hurt either.
How do guys really feel about girls making the first move? Should we always wait for guys to take the initiative or can/should we “help things along” a bit?
– Active at Arizona State
RLCG: Always make some move. Guys absolutely hate it when girls play too hard-to-get. As weird as this might sound, guys absolutely hate rejection. Playing hard-to-get can be effective though, and is different for different situations. Let’s start with dating. Show interest in guys you want to date. Rarely will a guy ever ask a girl on a date when he is unsure of the answer. Go up and say hello, tell him you have seen him around, and start a conversation. Guys like it when they feel like they have the upper hand. I am going to throw out the “confidence” word again because that is really what it is all about. Suggest that you all should hang out sometime. At this point he should understand you are interested and so automatically he will feel comfortable with you and not be worried about rejection. The key is to lull him into a sense of confidence so that he will ask you out on a date without fear of rejection. Focus on being overly friendly without explicitly suggesting a formal date.
Now sex. Playing hard-to-get with sex can be disastrous. You should, however, play slow-to-get. Remember ninth grade? Keep guys wanting more for as long as they can handle it. As long as you remain flirty, touchy, and sensual in simple things like making out, he will remain interested. However, if he pushes an action too soon, feel free to stop him. Tell him not yet. When the time is right though, you need to make the first move ’cause he may never try again. Remember the whole confidence thing? Tell him or show him what he is allowed to do. Give him back some confidence. Just remember guys will do anything. Do not ever, unless he’s not into girls, worry about him saying “no” to something. Make the moves while still playing hard-to-get. A perfect combination.