As much as we try to fight it, we collegiettes may be hard-wired to seek out bad boys. From the tattooed, motorcycle-riding hipsters to the frat bros with lists of past hook-ups that rival phone books, we just can’t seem to help ourselves. Unfortunately, this tendency doesn’t just harm us; it also sells short the under-appreciated (but totally deserving) majority: nice guys.
Since Mr. Nice Guy has earned himself some extra love from us ladies, we should work on spotting him in the crowd. Don’t be fooled by pretenders! Read on for the seven foolproof ways to know if he’s a good egg. Do it for the sake of the sweethearts.
1. He has a Good Relationship With his Family
Friends come and go, but family is forever. Though he may gripe about a little sibling or roll his eyes when his parents bug him about how he should do his laundry more often, a good guy stays on good terms with the people who raised him.
“The best way to tell if he’s a good guy is how well he treats his mother,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them. “If he treats her with respect and shows her love and affection, it’s a sign that he’s a good guy.”
A guy who values important relationships in his life is likely to be open to building new ones, and once he and you get together, he’ll value you, too. It may not be easy to tell what he thinks of his family since he’s living away from home, but asking questions about his childhood will show you where his heart is. Watch how he interacts with his parents and siblings at family weekends and on-campus events (without being creepy!). If he’s talking a lot with them—and not bickering—he’s probably got a good thing going with the ‘rents.
2. He’s Good With Kids
While you aren’t hunting for the father of your children, that doesn’t mean you should be ignoring the major red flag of a guy who can’t stand things that are small, cute, or fluffy.
“I’m always so impressed when a guy is great with little kids,” says Anna*, a senior from Syracuse University. “I think it says a lot about his patience [and] temperament, and shows he doesn’t take himself too seriously to let loose!”
Lieberman agrees. “Although it’s almost a cliché, you want a guy who likes animals and children,” she says. “It shows how compassionate he is to those who are vulnerable.”
Plus, you want to be able to pet puppies and coo over chubby-cheeked babies without putting your man on edge. Is that really so wrong? If he winces at the idea of babysitting or is totally uninterested when you point out a cute toddler, he’s probably not a fan. If, on the other hand, he mentions that kids love him, or he’s game to make googly eyes at the baby across the restaurant, you’ll know you’ve found a good egg.
3. He’s Respectful to People He Doesn’t Need to Impress
Whether it’s the waiter, the bartender, the cashier, or just someone on the street, interacting with an individual like this creates one of the best opportunities for you to gauge whether your guy is a keeper or not.
“He’s a good guy if he treats strangers with respect,” says Briana, a senior from Georgia College. “After all, he doesn’t owe them anything.”
Shira, a junior from Franklin & Marshall, knew that her current boyfriend was a good guy when she saw how he acted in restaurants. “He treats everyone with a lot of kindness, especially those in service professions,” she says. “He’ll always leave a nice tip, even if it’s takeout, and thank everyone who helps him.”
If he’s making googly eyes at you but then badmouthing the person who’s serving him his meal—or worse, snapping at a waiter when they’re face-to-face—you should reevaluate your guy. “Seeing how your guy treats people he doesn’t need to impress will show you his true character,” says Leiberman. In this case, he’s probably only respectful when it suits him—which means he’s definitely a dud.
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4. He has Friends who are Girls
No, we don’t mean friends with benefits. We mean actual platonic female friends. “If you can contain your jealousy, it’s a good sign for him to have friends who are girls, since this shows he’s not just out for sex from every girl he meets,” Lieberman explains.
Shira’s boyfriend proves his prowess as a nice guy by being there for his girls—in a totally unromantic way. “He has a bunch of female friends, one of whom is actually an ex of his and one of my good friends now, too,” she says. “He’ll often give relationship advice from the guy point of view when they have guy trouble.” If you see him caring for other girls this way, you can be sure that he’ll want you to be happy, too.
5. He’s Into Self-Improvement
Mr. Nice Guy is the guy who recognizes that, despite what we may believe, he isn’t perfect as is. So, he works on bettering himself (and you get to bask in all of the benefits!).
“I’m not about guys who are fixer-uppers and expect me to come in and make them better, nor am I about guys who think they’re done growing and learning,” says Harper Yi, a junior at the College of William & Mary. “Relationships are about growing together and supporting each other’s growth.”
If he wastes all of his time playing Xbox, watching Old School, and hanging out constantly with a group of guys who are going nowhere, he probably doesn’t think much about taking care of himself and his future, let alone someone else! Walk away and don’t look back (at least until he grows up a bit). If, on the other hand, he’s reading, keeping up on current events, or taking out-of-the-box classes to broaden his horizons, you can rest assured he’s getting his ducks in a row.
6. He Asks You Questions
It may seem like a no-brainer, but many a collegiette has wound up in a relationship without realizing that her guy just isn’t that interested in her. He may be calling you pretty and kissing you, but if he isn’t asking you questions, he’s way more into himself than he’ll ever be into you.
“A good guy is more interested in learning all about you than telling you about himself,” confirms Lieberman. Why is it so important? A guy should want to know about you so he can figure out if the two of you are a good fit. If he doesn’t care much either way, he isn’t giving it his all.
“I once went on a date with a guy who I barely knew, and I was worried we wouldn’t know what to say,” recalls Jenna*, a senior at Skidmore College. “We ended up talking for four hours over coffee. He asked me all sorts of questions. Not like an interrogation, just like he genuinely wanted to know. I knew immediately that he was one of the good ones.”
Want to snag a good one of your own? Be wary of guys who give you the third degree on the first date, but be excited about ones who ask more than “yes” or “no” questions (“Your place or mine?” doesn’t count!).
7. He Goes out of his Way to Take Care of You
The easiest way to spot Mr. Nice Guy is to catch him doing something—wait for it—nice! While bad boys lack the most basic common courtesies, nice guys go above and beyond by exceeding our expectations every time. Yet another reason why we owe them our attention!
*Ellie, a sophomore at Boston University, discovered one guy’s softer side when she was almost two hours late to meet him at a costume shop. Though it was their first day spending one-on-one time together, he immediately suggested that they leave the costume shop and that he treat her to dinner when he found out Ellie hadn’t had time to eat beforehand. “Even though I had accidentally been so rude to him, he wanted to look out for me and take care of me,” Ellie says. “I thought it was so sweet, and he’s been looking out for me with little thought for himself ever since.”
The number one time that nice guys step up to the plate? When you’re sick.
“When I met [my boyfriend], we had been hanging out a while until we finally had our first kiss,” says Mariana, a junior from William & Mary. “The very next day, I woke up sick and unable to leave my bed. He surprised me with chicken noodle soup, applesauce, and some sweets. He even accompanied me to the Health Center. We weren’t even dating then and he showed so much compassion and kindness. Almost two years later, and he’s still that genuinely good guy.”
While you have to make sure not to abuse this awesome quality (in other words, don’t demand that he bring you sweets when you’re sick or wait hours and hours for you), you shouldn’t shy away when it comes out. This is his way of saying, “I’m a nice guy! And I like you!” Sounds good to us!
Beware, however, of stage-five clingers. If he’s being overly attentive, not leaving you alone, or giving you gifts that go way beyond normal expectations, you might want to ask for some breathing room.
Though they may not be celebrities in the hallways, nice guys are diamonds in the rough that is your college campus. Ditch the creeps and keep your eyes peeled for these seven green light signs—the man of your dreams may be closer than you think.
*Names have been changed.