The star of some team, the person always making everyone laugh, the dancer at the party—the guy everyone loves. Our favorite movie star characters have convinced us this is someone who would make the ideal boyfriend—they always do seem to fall in love at the end! Maybe you’re someone who scored a shot with one of these stereotypically perfect guys, or maybe you haven’t experienced this kind of guy because you’re just straight up intimidated by their loud, confident nature.
Guys like this aren’t your only chance to have a movie-like, Insta-worthy, but, most importantly, real relationship. The guy minding his business in the corner of the party could rock your world. He may come off as uninterested or maybe even pretentious, but he’s just not as assertive and straightforward as the clichéd movie star “dream guy.” Here are some reasons you should give the shy guy a chance.
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1. You will know him best
There is nothing more annoying than feeling like someone else knows your significant other better than you, or has a closer relationship with them. This will most likely be the least of your worries if you’re with a shy guy, since they don’t open up to just anyone.
Adam LoDolce, founder of sexyconfidence.com, aims to help the 21st century woman create a love life she, well, loves. “Usually introverts are deeper thinkers,” he says, “and can connect on a much more emotional level once you get to know them.” The most exciting part about a relationship is getting to know the person more intimately; if he’s the outspoken, open-book type, there may not be much to learn. A relationship with a shy guy is more exclusive.
2. He’s a listener
You know those viral social media posts where girls upload a screenshot of a text that reads “this reminded me of you,” with an attached picture? The ones we all gush over and say is #relationshipgoals? Yup—expect this from your shy boo. Since he is a quiet guy, he will be especially attentive to what you’re saying. This leads to him remembering the little things, and sending you a text saying a certain thing reminded him of you, something you so subtly mentioned and are shocked and heart-eyed over the fact that he remembered.
3. He will be all about you
Now, an under-confident guy isn’t necessarily desirable, but neither is an overly confident one, given that you may not be the primary receiver of their attention.
Jessica Morley, who attends USW in the UK, recalls dating one of those “bad boy, confident, look-at-me” guys, and looks back on it thinking, “They are hard work and make you feel like you’re competing against each other. I love a chilled out shy guy. That’s my type.”
After being with her “chilled out, shy guy” boyfriend for five years now, she can’t imagine going back to dating the former and this could be the case for you. Dr. Carole Lieberman, M.D., Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author, reaffirms that “a shy guy is less likely to be a ‘bad boy’ who will break your heart, compared to guys who are loud, flirtatious and think they are the coolest thing to walk the planet.”
Finding some new SO probably isn’t a worry of the overly confident fella, so he might not be as focused on building your relationship. For a guy who is naturally shy or hesitant, though, it probably is a hardship of his to successfully communicate interest and start a relationship—so if he likes you enough to do so, you can most likely count on him treating you right.
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4. You probably won’t be listening to the Lemonade album
Of course, being all about you is synonymous with not cheating. “Not once when he was out did I worry he was being flirtatious with another girl,” Kristin Trevi, a sophomore at Lynn University who has a shy boyfriend, says. “He was barely flirtatious with me in the beginning!”
We’ve all known that kind of girl who purposely takes things out of context, who will turn a friendly encounter into a “her boyfriend was totally flirting with me.” Well, your introverted boyfriend won’t even give your frenemies this opportunity. You may think refraining from talking to girls demonstrates insecurity, but it could actually be precisely the opposite.
“Shy does not equal immature [and] extroverted does not equal confident,” says Justin Stenstrom, life coach and author of the book Giving Shy Guys Game. If a guy is secure in himself, he will be selective, exactly the way the shy, introverted guys are.
5. You feel comfortable
You know you’re close with someone when you’re able to sit in silence without it being awkward. Don’t get us wrong, though—it could definitely be awkward at first. Dr. Lieberman advises, “It’s best if the first dates with a shy guy are situations where you both don’t have to talk a lot—such as going to a movie or a concert, or going out in a group. Gradually, he will feel more comfortable and more talkative.”
You will soon become accustomed to the shy nature of your SO though, and learn to appreciate the times where you just sit there and get to soak each other in without feeling obligated to start the conversation.
6. He’s just so cute
C’mon, you can’t deny how cute it is when a guy is nervous. Awkward and tongue-tied—simply irresistible! Shy guys express themselves more through actions than words, so they will always be making efforts to do cute, thoughtful gestures for you. “I had a shy boyfriend in high school who was a grade above me,” says Amelia Alexander, a sophomore at Penn State University. “When he was on his senior trip, he wasn’t telling me he missed me in between all the fun he was having. I was kinda upset. Next thing I knew, flowers appeared at my door that he arranged from all the way across the country.” After all, actions speak louder than words.
So what now?
Now that you’re convinced you should give the shy guy a chance, there’s only one problem: he probably won’t initiate anything. LoDolce suggests “breaking the touch barrier,” since the guy will most likely be hesitant to do so, and is also respectful.
Don’t get us wrong—all shy guys aren’t angels. Dr. Lieberman reminds us “You should still be a little cautious, because some shy guys can turn into bad boys once you have dated them for a while, and given them the confidence to think they are too cool for you.”
It’s never good to be too optimistic or pessimistic about any relationship or even a type of guy – everyone’s different. Treat the shy guy like any other, keeping these certain things in mind, and he could definitely rock your world.