Bzz, Bzz. That’s the sound of your phone buzzing at 2 a.m. with a text “Hey, want to come over and watch a movie?” A movie? At 2 a.m.? No, no, no – that’s code for “Do you want to hook up?” and by now you know the drill. It’s sad but true: you’re a booty call. Maybe you’re tired of the endless hooking up, the unrelenting horny guy or even just the lack of sleep; whatever your reason, you’re done being a booty call. It’s time to get “your” man on the same page. Follow these tips and trust us, he definitely won’t want to see you again.
1. Tell Him You Want a Relationship
Since your relationship until now has been limited to late-night hook-ups and maybe even a little sexting, there is no better way to stop being a booty call than by pushing for a relationship. The next time you see him, start dropping hints about how happy you are that the two of you are going to be official soon. Make sure to mention that you have already told your mom about him (“she thinks you’re so sweet!”), that you recently started planning a “couple’s retreat” spring break trip, and oh yeah!—you just can’t believe how quickly you fell in love. Swoon. Visions of a psychotic girlfriend will flood his mind (almost instantly – lucky you), and soon he won’t ever want to see you again. Bear in mind, however, that you have to be prepared to be completely done with your booty call – he will definitely be scared away!
2. Experience Hygiene Failure
Okay, so I’m assuming that part of what started this friends-with-benefits relationship was some level of attraction. You think he has a hot body, and he thinks you’re sexy. It’s the perfect combo. It’s almost too easy to ruin any sexual chemistry that exists between the two of you. All you have to do is completely disregard your hygiene, whether it is not brushing your teeth for a few days, letting your hair grow like crazy (not just the hair on your head – we’re talking about your legs, armpits, etc.), and definitely not taking a shower… for at least a week. When you see him, act like nothing has changed. Or better yet, tell him you’re trying a new look, and you love it! He will be undeniably horrified, and I am willing to bet he will stop calling you… forever. Disclaimer: this won’t work for guys who are into the grungy, hippie-chic image; for this type, take a shower instead.
[pagebreak]
3. Embrace Familiarity
One of the perks of a booty call relationship is that it’s exciting. The two of you try things you would be too scared to bring up with anyone else, and there’s no judgment. Even more than that, you actually enjoy it. Or at least you used to. Since your booty call probably expects fireworks every single time the two of you hook up, the easiest way to kill his temptation to text you late at night is to make it insanely boring when you are together. To do this, act like an old married couple. You know, head over to his place in sweats, no makeup, wanting to watch a movie on opposite sides of the couch…. while eating takeout. And when you do hook up, make it as lame as you can – kiss softly without any semblance of passion, “just lay there,” and have zero regard for his pleasure. Soon he will be wondering why he ever wanted to hook up with you in the first place.
4. Make a Move on His Friends
Yes, for some guys, jealousy is a huge turn-on. These guys are also slightly masochistic, so I guess it just depends on what you like in a man. While monogamy in college certainly may be outdated, the majority of people still expect some degree of loyalty in any kind of relationship. If it’s too easy, he will lose interest. If it’s too easy for nearly everyone, then he will be turned off. Let me explain: if him, his friends, his friends’ friends, and every guy on your campus has a chance of hooking up with you, he will not want to hook up with you anymore. The solution then, of course, is to make it seem as though everyone has a chance with you (regardless of if they really do or not – that’s your choice). Start flirting with his friends, texting other guys in front of him and canceling plans last minute because “Jack really needs me right now.” Bonus points if he sees you out and about with another guy, touching his arm and laughing at his jokes. The idea that you’ve been around the block a few times, so to say, might be just the push your booty call needs to move on from you. Fair warning, however, play this the wrong way, and you could end up with a not-so-nice reputation. Be careful!
5. Tell Him About Your Boyfriend
So your situation isn’t exactly monogamous, and you aren’t sure whether or not you’re the only girl in his life. Regardless, it’s basically assumed that neither of you is in a committed relationship. Wrong! You have had a long-term boyfriend for a few years – it’s pretty serious, you’ve even talked about getting married. He is also 6’4” and 275 pounds of pure muscle. Nonetheless, you don’t want anything to change between you and your booty call – you just thought it was finally time that he knew about your boyfriend. Maybe the three of you can even hang out – you really want his opinion of your boyfriend. But your booty call has to pretend he’s just a friend from class – how fun! Forward him romantic texts from your guy (“aw, isn’t he just the cutest thing?”) and bring over a few photos of the two of you – “so you can picture us together” – and clips from his athletic accomplishments (“he’s so strong!”). It’s entirely possible that your booty call will move, preferably across the country… especially if you throw in: “He’s perfect for me, but he just gets so jealous!” Oops.
Whatever you do, let him see that side of you that no one else gets to see – after all, he is your special friend – shouldn’t there be perks to that?