Oh, college guys… they say the darndest things. From clueless comments to “oh-no-he-did-not-just-say-that” pick-up lines, we’ve all heard guys say things that have made our jaws drop or our eyes roll. Here’s a list of the funniest, most ridiculous things guys have said—yep, they really did—to collegiettes.
- “My boyfriend once asked me why I cut my eyelashes so often and how they grew back so quickly while watching me use an eyelash curler.” – Sarah, Bucknell University ‘13
- “A frat boy trying to hit on one of my friends in class talking about his first job (said): ‘You know, it was a great experience… I learned a lot about myself, like I won’t have this swag forever.’” – Dawn, UNC-Charlotte ‘13
- “My roommate and I were at the bar, and a guy walked up to her, grabbed her hand, and said, ‘Happy Halloween, baby,’ then walked away. It was May.” – Katie, Western Michigan University ‘13
- “I was hooking up with this new guy, and in the morning he goes: ‘I’m still nakey.’ Not to mention, he called out my French tips the night before. Needless to say, that was the last time he was nakey in my bed.” – Anonymous, University of Michigan ‘13
- “A coworker of mine this week told me that if I’m so pretty, then my mom must be really beautiful, and commenced to ask more about my mom, as if that was gonna get me to like him more.” – Aspen, Savannah College of Art and Design ‘16
- “‘BTW sex tonight?’ was one of my personal fave texts ever received… haha, not.” – Leah, Skidmore College ’14
- “I went home from the bar with a guy, and next thing I knew he was kicking me out and said: ‘You’re 25 and you probably don’t even go here (referring to college)!’ I have no idea where that came from!” – Anonymous, University of Michigan ‘13
- “Freshman year a guy once said to me mid-hook-up, ‘I like the color of your nails.’ They were painted a turquoise-blue—such a random thing to say given the context!” – Anonymous, University of Pennsylvania ’14
- “My now boyfriend of two and a half years said something quite funny the night after we first kissed. His idea of an amusing ice-breaker text (we’d drunkenly hooked up at a party) was: ‘I think you got lipstick on my face,’ to which I replied that I hadn’t been wearing any. Not quite the response he’d planned!” – Rosanna, University of Leeds ‘14
- “I had been seeing this guy for a few weeks, but wasn’t really into him, so I decided to put a halt to things. Right after I told him how I was feeling, he farted. Loudly. I’m one of those adult children who erupts into a fit of giggles whenever she hears a fart—real or fake—so I started laughing. He then proceeds to respond IN ALL SERIOUSNESS by rubbing his leg and saying, ‘Man, you hear that? My hamstring…’” – Jessica, University of Oregon ‘12
- “I have actually seen a guy say this line and have seen the girl he said it to hook up with him immediately afterward: ‘How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m (insert name here).’” – Sarah, Bucknell University ‘13
- “I met a guy at a club during my first week of freshman year who offered me a ‘private tour of NYU,’ ending at his apartment. Ew, no thank you!” – Hannah, New York University ’15
- “I was walking down Newbury Street and some random guy standing there looked straight at me and said, ‘You a black man’s dream.’ It was my second week in Boston after moving from suburban Orange County, and I was so bewildered. My friend and I just kept walking and couldn’t stop laughing. I still get teased about it to this day!” – Sonali, Boston University ’14
- “I drive a sports car and I once had a guy tell me: ‘I’ll take you out on a date if you let me drive your car.’ There was no date.” – Anonymous, University of Alabama at Birmingham ‘13
- “I was in Paris last year, wandering around trying to find somewhere to eat. This waiter was trying to convince me to come to his restaurant, and said the following: ‘I am from united. You are from states. Together, we are United States.’” – Katy, UNC-Chapel Hill ‘11
- “A boy tried to chat me up on behalf of his friend. When I told him that I had a boyfriend, he responded: ‘But Toby’s better, Toby’s marriage material!’” – Rosanna, University of Leeds ‘14
- “It was the first week of orientation and I had hooked up with one of my new resident’s friends. I got called down to the RA office when we were done hooking up and he went outside to smoke. Minutes into dealing with a situation in the office we hear: ‘Dude, I just hooked up with the RA! So that means the RA is like my b*tch this year!’ ‘Um, chill dude. She’s not your RA, she’s mine.’” – Anonymous, Fashion Institute of Technology ‘14
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And straight from the horse’s mouths… college guys’ most cringe-worthy one-liners:
- “I just really can’t connect with someone until I know them sexually.” – said to Elyssa, Carnegie Mellon University ’10
- “I feel like we’re close enough that I can tell you this, but I spent 45 minutes stalking your Facebook last night.” – said to Michelle, Emerson College ‘12, a month after she and the guy stopped dating
- “This is around that time of the night where I ask you to make out with me. Just throwin’ that out there.” – said to Anonymous, Harvard University ‘13
- “I want to climb you like a mountain.” – said to Amber, North Carolina State University ‘11
- “You and me, we will never work out… but we should be ‘sex friends.’” – said to Mackenzie, Suffolk ‘15
- “Just so you know, I have an emergency abortion fund, and if you ever get pregnant you are having one.”– said to Emily, Hofstra University ‘12
- “Dang girl, I see them muscles, what you workin’ with?” – said to Anonymous, Harvard University ‘13
- “You’ve never kissed anyone before?! Wow, but how? You’re too adorable for that to be true! Wait… that means you’re a virgin then too, huh? Darn.” – said to Taylor, Wellesley College ‘13
- “’You dance like Baby, girl, and you’re hot as f*ck.’ (I’m assuming by ‘Baby, girl’ he meant Baby from Dirty Dancing.)” – said to Anonymous, Harvard University ‘13
- “Hi, I just wanted to let you know you are beautiful… but excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.” – said to Delia, Suffolk University 2012
- “Put that big booty to use. ‘Cause it’s big and round. Slappable and grabbable.” – said to Taylor, Wellesley College ‘13
- “I’ve got a concussion. Come visit me? I’m in room number 225.” – said to Anonymous, Harvard University ‘13
- “That was fun. We should do that again sometime. BTW that’s a mean hickey. I feel like I’m in middle school again.” – said to Taylor, Wellesley College ‘13
- “Look at how perfectly our hands fit together… maybe our tongues will, too.” – said to Anonymous, Harvard University ‘13
- “‘Don’t flatter me, I’m white.’ (In response to: ‘You’re a good dancer, too!’)” – said to Anonymous, Harvard University ‘13
- “Do you know how to pronounce ‘bagel?’” –said to Delia, Suffolk University 2012
- “Guy: Listen, I know we’ve both started a lot of rumors about each other.
Me: What are you talking about? I’ve never started a rumor about you.
Guy: Okay. Well, I’ve started a lot of rumors about you, then.
Me: What?! What rumors have you started about me?!
Guy: That you’re hooking up with your ex.
Me: You told me you heard that! You came up to me last week and told me you heard that!
Guy: Yeah. I did. From me.” – said to Michelle, Emerson College ‘12
What do you think, collegiettes—which guy was the most ridiculous? Do you have a ‘sh*t he said’ story that can top these? Tell us in the comments below!