1. Because someone needs to apply sunscreen to that impossible spot in the middle of your back, and sacrificing UV protection would be irresponsible.
2. Because you just drank a pitcher of citrus sangria at a junior high reunion barbecue and you really need a designated driver right now.
3. Because the idea of a solo picnic is sad enough to make you want to smother yourself in that red and white checkered blanket.
4. Because someone needs to appreciate all of that tanning you’ve been up to lately.
5. Because someone also needs to ridicule the tan lines you have acquired with all that tanning you’ve been up to lately—(seriously, why is there nowhere to lay around naked in the suburbs?).
6. Because when you’re feeling insignificant while watching the stars, you need someone else laying beside you who thinks you’re the most extraordinary thing in the entire universe... (Does this sound like the premise of every teen movie you’ve ever watched?)
7. Because hi-oh, you just won free tickets to Bonnaroo, and you will not be taking your little sister.
8. Because when you get to Bonnaroo, you’re going to need some good ol’ broad shoulders to sit and rave upon in the crowds at Skrillex.
9. Because an in-car GPS system would have cost twice the price of that ’89 stick-shift Cavalier you’re driving around this summer, and you need a real person road-trip navigator if you’re going to make it past the town limits.
10. Because boys are hot.
11. Because you’re hot, and the boys need to know.
12. Because you need someone to cry to about your stressful internship at the White House.
13. Because you need someone to cry to about your depress-o dishwashing gig at the International House of Pancakes.
14. Because Facebook finally timelined you, and how better to address that empty cover photo slot than with a selfie of you and some hottie-tottie in his-and-hers Ray Ban wayfarers?