100 Reasons Why He Hasn't Responded To Your Text

You make the decision to send him a text. You find the perfect witty excuse.  You re-write it…twice.  You spend three minutes deciding if an exclamation point is too eager.  You erase and re-enter a smiley face—too desperate? You consult with a girlfriend.  You take a deep breath.  You press ‘send.’  And then he doesn’t respond.
 
There’s nothing worse than an unreciprocated text, it’s the modern-day equivalent of getting stood up (but worse, because it remains in your phone as a constant reminder of your failed flirting).  Before you beat yourself up and vow to cancel your unlimited texting plan, read this list of the of the 100 reasons—the good, the bad, the far-fetched, the fun, and the really depressing—why he hasn’t responded to your text.

waiting for text text messaging

  1. His phone died
  2. There was a family emergency
  3. He was just eating something sticky and hasn’t gotten around to washing his hands
  4. He’s in jail
  5. His phone was stolen
  6. He realized his friend likes you, so bro code says he shouldn’t text you back
  7. He’s driving
  8. He has mono
  9. You texted the wrong guy
  10. He’s worried his phone is being wiretapped and he doesn’t want to incriminate himself
  11. He saved your number as something funny (“Candy the Stripper”) and forgot who it was
  12. He forgot to get your number so he doesn’t know who texted him
  13. He read the text in his sleep and then thought it was a dream
  14. He didn’t get the joke you just made and feels stupid
  15. He forgot to pay his phone bill and his account has been cancelled
  16. He was really angry and threw his phone against the wall
  17. He has the iPhone “drunk dialer app” and he can’t figure out how to unlock his phone
  18. He’s not a big texter, he prefers talking on the phone
  19. He’s trying to think of something funny to say
  20. He is taking a (really long) nap
  21. He’s worried you only texted him as a joke or to win a bet (circa every teen movie from the ‘90s)
  22. He’s gay
  23. He talked to one of your ex-boyfriends who told him you’re a psycho
  24. He’s watching a sports game
  25. He thought the pimple on your lip was herpes
  26. He broke all of his fingers in an arm wrestle
  27. He has a girlfriend
  28. His jealous ex-girlfriend deleted the text before he saw it
  29. He is under the Imperius Curse and has been instructed by Voldemort to ignore you
  30. His Mom cancelled the account because he never calls her
  31. He left his phone in a public bathroom
  32. He’s waiting another hour so he doesn’t look desperate
  33. His phone fell out of his pocket in his car and he can’t reach the spot under the seat
  34. He heard a rumor about you and is trying to figure out if it’s true before he texts you back
  35. He’s bummed you stole his thunder and texted him first
  36. He dropped his phone in the toilet
  37. He knows you have friends who write for Her Campus and doesn’t want to be on the next Asshole-O-Meter
  38. He has an STD…he’s doing you a favor.
  39. He decided texting is ruining his social skills so only wants to talk to you in person
  40. He’s in class and actually puts his phone on silent
  41. He is on a plane to Australia
  42. He still can’t figure out how to use T9
  43. He’s at the gym
  44. His childhood pet just died and he’s too sad to flirt
  45. He thought the outfit you wore to the mixer was supposed to be serious
  46. He doesn’t like you. (Sorry)
  47. He’s stoned
  48. He’s stoned and involved in a serious round of Mario Kart
  49. He thinks that he texted you back, but he’s currently sexting one of the other 23 Sarah’s in his phone by mistake
  50. He lost a bet and isn’t allowed to talk to hot girls for 30 days
  51. He doesn’t get service on campus
  52. He can’t read
  53. He doesn’t speak English
  54. He’s still drunk
  55. He left his phone in the pocket of his pants, which are now in the laundry
  56. He got diagnosed with a particularly painful case of carpel tunnel syndrome
  57. He’s a concert pianist who needs to rest his fingers before a big concert
  58. He stalked you on Facebook and thought your joke relationship status was real
  59. You’re his TA
  60. He realized he once hooked up with your sister
  61. He’s waiting until 2am so he doesn’t have to talk to you sober
  62. He forgot that girls like to text even if we have nothing to say
  63. He’s an Orthodox Jew who observes Shabbat—and you texted him on Friday night
  64. He’s madly in love with you and doesn’t think he’ll be able to engage in small talk without passionately declaring his feelings.  And that would be weird.
  65. You used an obscure emoticon or said “lol”, “u 2,” or “g2g” in your text to him, so he knew it wouldn’t work out
  66. He works for the CIA
  67. He’s pledging a frat...enough said
  68. He doesn’t want you to find out that he’s really 35 and married
  69. Because you also emailed, skyped, g-chatted, tweeted, Facebooked, called, and faxed him
  70. He’s in love with your best friend
  71. He gave up technology for Lent
  72. He just got a manicure and doesn’t want to mess it up* (*SEE NUMBER 22)
  73. He’s busy
  74. He caught you Facebook stalking him in the library
  75. He’s texting his sister at the same time and doesn’t want to send the wrong text to the wrong girl (disaster!)
  76. He has decided to become Amish since you last spoke
  77. He’s broke and assumes texting you will lead to spending money on you
  78. He’s taking a vow of silence
  79. He heard you’re texting half of his fraternity as well
  80. He sobered up
  81. He’s at work
  82. He’s running a marathon
  83. He’s at a movie marathon
  84. His phone died and he can’t find the charger
  85. He’s considering joining the priesthood
  86. He heard you’re actually a classy, nice girl, and he’s not into that
  87. He doesn’t want to lead you on
  88. He’s with his bros and doesn’t want to be caught “cute” texting
  89. He’s involved in an intense game of World of Warcraft (this is not your loss)
  90. He’s on the phone with his Mom
  91. He doesn’t have a texting plan?
  92. His phone is buried under the mountain of laundry he’s waiting to take home over break
  93. He’s too busy analyzing the new Kanye West album
  94. He thinks you’re out of his league
  95. He prefers high school girls
  96. Your text didn’t warrant a response
  97. He’s in shock
  98. He’s having a “guy’s night”
  99. He forgot
  100. Because it’s only been, like, twenty minutes. Calm the eff down, girl

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About The Author

Jess (Penn ’11) left her Pleasantville-esque hometown of Berkeley Heights, New Jersey to study English and creative writing. At Penn, she has been an editor of 34th Street magazine and its blog, underthebutton.com. Jess is also the Adventure Editor of The Lost Girls travel website. If you find a way to score her Bruce Springsteen tickets, she’ll probably marry you or at least make out with you. She had a pretty deprived childhood (no TV allowed on school nights) and is compensating for lost time by consuming pop culture like Don Draper downs martinis. This summer she worked as the entertainment intern at Seventeen magazine, where she hugged Kellan Lutz. Unrelated fun fact: Jess is a book nerd who will read just about anything that is not a Twilight book. Sorry, Kellan.

Joanna Buffum is a senior English major and Anthropology minor at Bowdoin College in Brunswick, Maine.  She is from Morristown, NJ and in the summer of 2009 she was an advertising intern for OK! Magazine and the editorial blog intern for Zagat Survey in New York City. This past summer she was an editorial intern for MTV World's music website called MTV Iggy, writing fun things like album and concert reviews for bands you have never heard of before. Her favorite books are basically anything involving fantasy fiction, especially the Harry Potter series and “Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell” by Susanna Clarke. In her free time she enjoys snowboarding, playing intramural field hockey, watching House MD, and making paninis. In the spring of 2010 she studied abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark, and she misses the friendly, tall, and unusually attractive Danish people more than she can say. After college, she plans on pursuing a career in writing, but it can be anywhere from television script writing, to magazine journalism, to book publishing. 

Allie Jones is an English and American Studies double major at the College of William and Mary.  She's interned at W magazine and is currently the Senior News Editor at The Virginia Informer.  When she’s not chatting up colonial impersonators in Williamsburg, Allie drinks too much black coffee and thinks about going to the gym. She enjoys singing for her friends and planning parties for her chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma. Allie looks up to Liz Lemon, Carrie Bradshaw and Jon Stewart; 2 ½ of which, she realizes, are fictional characters. 

You can find out more about the high-brow television programs she watches over at her Twitter, @allierileyjones.

Rachel Peck is a senior at Barnard College, Class of 2012, where she is majoring in English and Theatre and minoring in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. Although she admits to actually enjoying high school in her hometown of Bexley, OH, her favorite thing to do is explore her new--slightly more exciting--home, New York City. When she isn't watching good (and bad...) TV, finding excuses to plan dinner with friends, window shopping, or napping, Rachel enjoys working for the Barnard admissions office, serving on her sorority's various boards, and writing for whoever will read it.  You can also follow her on Twitter (@peckrachel) if you're into that.