Random hook-ups are fun until Friday night date-night rolls around and you’re stuck with your TV remote, a bottle of wine, some popcorn/candy and your silent, non-vibrating phone. While these sorts of situations allow for quality time spent with your fellow single besties, you all recognize that – even once in a while – you’d rather have a night that consists of good wine, a meal of more than just popcorn, and perhaps some company provided by a member of the opposite sex. And what’s more, you all deserve that. What is it, you ask, that makes you destined for the couch on the very same nights on which your school’s happiest couples allow themselves to enjoy a romantic evening alone? It just doesn’t seem fair, and sometimes, it doesn’t even make sense. Sure, we all have our flaws, but how is it that our little quirks turn into horrible habits that result in a shrinking “potential boyfriends” list? Her Campus has a few hypotheses that seem to answer this question – it’s just up to you to figure out which of the following is preventing you from finding a relationship.
You don’t put yourself out there enough.
Choosing not to go out all weekend is one thing, but being plain old anti-social is another. If you’re looking for a relationship, make sure that you’re actively looking! Excuses like homework, tests and sleepiness can only be abused so much – get your work done and get out of your room. He’s not going to show up at your door one day with a bouquet of flowers. If you don’t show your face at any social events, guys won’t even know who you are. It’s important to reserve at least one or two nights a week to do something fun and social with your friends. Decide to do something unusual one night, and a new guy just might catch your eye (and you might catch his!).
You go to an all-women’s college.
Here’s a tricky one. You sit in class with girls, you dine with girls, you live with girls, you go to the gym with girls, you walk around campus with girls, you sit in the library with girls. At an all-women’s college, the only testosterone that exists is probably found in professors (ew), so it doesn’t seem like there’s much boyfriend potential. Find out whether or not any co-ed colleges exist nearby and see if you can take a class there. But if you want to keep things strictly playful, do some research and find out where the party scene is on the weekends and get there. Otherwise, in your free time, take a trip into the town or city near your school. Study at a coffee shop or wander around a nearby park. Any place that’s open to the public is prime boy-spotting space, so get to these hot spots and start lookin’!
Your standards are too high.
So he has to be tall, with blue eyes, wildly intelligent, in good shape, with a tan(ish) complexion, good teeth, a killer sense of humor and no acne. All I have to say is: good luck with that. If you have a checklist for what you want your guy to be/have/do/smell like, forget about ever finding him. Instead, search for positive qualities in every guy you meet, and don’t focus on the negatives. If you start with only the bad, chances are you’ll always find something wrong with a guy. When you set inhumanly high standards, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be realistic when it comes to guys (and life in general?) – none of them are perfect, but certainly, one of them is right for you.
You compare every guy to your ex.
If this applies to you, rethink whether or not you’re actually overyour ex. If you’re not, take some time to get there – but ultimately, get there. Trying to move forward with a past relationship in mind simply isn’t healthy. You’ll get lost in a sea of comparisons – “but his teeth were straighter, and I really liked the way he smelled better” – that will start any new relationship off on a negative note. Keep the past in the past and enjoy the “newness” of a fresh relationship with a completely different guy.
You’re too nervous to make the first move.
If he’s not taking hints and you’d just rather get on with it, it’s time to take control. Whether you’ve been talking all night and he hasn’t made a move or you’ve got your eye on a cutie from afar, it’s up to you to make it happen. Often guys will be just as nervous as you are to go in for the kill – or they’re totally oblivious to your signals of interest to know to make a move at all. If you want him, go get him, and don’t let your nerves stand in the way. Make a bold move by leaving your number on a receipt or just going straight for his lips. You’ll seem confident (and you’ll probably feel that way, too) and assertive – two qualities a guy loves to see in a girl.
