“We’re Just On a Break”: What It Means, When to Do It & If It’ll Work
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
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As we all know, relationships aren’t always cut and dry. Sometimes, couples need time apart to reconsider the relationship. However, this time apart does not mean they are breaking up, it means they are ‘taking a break.’ That clarifies it, right? The term ‘taking a break’ is probably purposely ambiguous – it can mean whatever you want it to mean in terms of your own relationship. So when do you take a break instead of break up? Does anyone ever take a break and then continue with a successful relationship? With the help of relationship coach and psychotherapist, Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, we are answering these tricky questions!
Define Taking a Break
Since the term is so ambiguous, I polled a few college students from across the country to hear what they believe is the definition of taking a break:
“It means that a couple has taken time off, but they will probably get back together in a few weeks.” – Claire, University of Missouri
“I think it means that the couple is essentially broken up, but one person is still holding on so they keep the label for a little while to make it easier.” – Will, University of Michigan
“I just think it’s an excuse to hook up with other people, but still have a relationship as a backup plan.” – Edgar, Fashion Institute of Technology
“It means that one person needs to explore his/her options, whether it be through hooking up with other people, finding a new hobby, focusing on his/herself. Whatever it is, they can’t do it while in a relationship, so they need some time.” – Monica, Washington University
Clearly, the meaning of taking a break varies from couple to couple, and there is no one “true” definition. “Taking a break means agreeing that you will not see each other for a specified, or even unspecified, period of time,” says Coleman. “Usually this includes an agreement that both are okay with the other seeing other people. Sometimes it is not stated, but one or both individuals have this intent and assume it is understood.”
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About the Author
Biography
Allie Duncan is a junior, class of 2013, in the School of Journalism at the University of Missouri. She is specializing in Strategic Communication within the Journalism department, while also pursuing a Textile and Apparel Management minor. In addition to writing for Her Campus, Allie is a member of Kappa Delta sorority - Epsilon Iota chapter, the Publicity Director for Her Campus Mizzou, a Campus Representative/Intern for Akira Chicago, a Contributing Writer for Chicago-Scene magazine and a member of the Society of Professional Journalists. She spent the 2011 summer as an intern at both Vogue magazine and Michele Marie PR in NYC. A Chicago native, Allie enjoys shopping, watching reality television, cupcakes, expensive shoes and reading magazines. She hopes to eventually land a job in fashion public relations while living in New York City, Los Angeles, or Chicago.
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Comments
Sounds like "taking a break" is a precursor to breaking up. I think it's when somebody is trying to spare the other's feelings but actually wants out. It might be simpler on everyone if they were just straight up about it. Really good article with food for thought. Well-written.
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