Spring Break. It’s a week drenched in piña coladas, tanning oil, sea spray, and… bodily fluids. Sex and spring break seem to have become inextricably linked in the minds of college students everywhere. The no-strings-attached Spring Break hookup has both its pluses and minuses: tan hot guys buying you drinks, tan hot guys helping you rub suntan lotion on your back… what were the minuses I was talking about again?
But before we dive head first into the tempting and excessively chlorinated pool of eligible Spring Break men, let’s take a look at Spring Break hookups from a college guy’s perspective so we know what we are getting ourselves into.
What kinds of advice does a guy hear when wants to have a Spring Break fling?
MiamiBeach411.com, a site providing tourist and travel information for Miami goers, has some pretty, uh… frank advice, to say the least, about achieving Spring Break hookups in the article, “A Guy’s Guide to Sex on Spring Break”. For example, it recommends that guys should hit bars that are less popular because the average girl wants to avoid the clubs that all of the “hot” competition goes to: “They resent all the attention they get and therefore go to other places where the hot girls are not. These girls are generally much more down to earth and therefore more down to sleep with you.” After that backhanded complement to all of the “down to earth” girls out there, who are apparently simultaneously ugly, easy, and insecure, the article continues to inform its male fist-pumping readers about scoping out the typical Spring Break girl.
You might be asking yourself, what level of drunkenness is most appealing to the male Spring Break hookup-seeker? “The best girls to target are the ones who are drinking hard liquor, preferably shots. If you can get to them before they lose consciousness you can keep them from drinking more, ensuring they are uninhibited enough to sleep with you but not so drunk they pass out or throw up.” So essentially, what we have learned is that guys on Spring Break are looking for girls who have achieved that happy medium between unconscious and sloptart.
On the site ItsGuyCode.com, there is an article specifically about hooking up with girls on Spring Break cruises with the appropriate “I’m on a Boat” anthem by The Lonely Island playing in the background. It recommends creepy tips like figuring out what girls to hookup with by staring at their bodies underwater while snorkeling, and cites the completely made-up statistic that “the average chick on a cruise will bang between 1 to 3 different guys depending on how easy she is in the first place.”
On Penn State’s blog OnwardState.com, the article “Bro Call: The Ideal Spring Break Fling,” lists the essentials of a Spring Break hookup: no commitment, the girl must be “down to party hard,” and hot. The bro called Chad finishes off the list quite eloquently: “I can’t really think of anything else to consider in a girl, spring break or not. Personality? I don’t even care about the girl’s name!” Well said Chad, well said.
I know what you are thinking: you have many guy friends who would be very offended to hear these generalizations about men looking for a fling and that these are extreme examples. But then where do these extreme ideas come from?