Obnoxiousness takes form in many ways, but none quite as irritating as on your Facebook News Feed. There are always those people on Facebook who drive you nuts. Their statuses are annoying and often just plain stupid, their posts are pretty pointless and their photo albums are full of pictures that literally nobody needs to see. These are the people you really, really need to unfriend. In case you (somehow) aren’t sure whom we’re referring to, we’ve listed all the people you need to banish from your News Feed.
1. The New Mom
The first pic of your baby was cute. The second was less cute. The 85th was just annoying. We get that you don’t sleep anymore and you’re constantly covered in spit-up, but we really just don’t care. Plus, it’s creepy that you’re putting so many pictures of your child on the Internet. Like, that’s just asking for trouble.
2. The Oversharer
This person uses Facebook as his or her own personal diary. From long, dramatic status updates about the unfairness of the world to in-depth descriptions of his or her (very) boring life, The Oversharer is exhausting and needs to go far, far away.
3. The Kid Who Has Horrible Grammar
We don’t know why you missed all of third grade, but your ≠ you’re and then ≠ than. Do us all a favor and get up to speed on basic grammar, because reading your obnoxious posts that are riddled with mistakes just gives us secondhand embarrassment.
4. The Person You Don’t Even Know
This is the kid you somehow became friends with, but when you look at his or her pictures, you have no bleeping idea who he or she is. See ya never (literally).
5. The Middle Schooler
Maybe she’s your cousin or your younger brother’s friend’s sister—The Middle Schooler friends everyone she has mutual friends with. Unaware that being “cool” on Facebook means strategically planning your posts, this person spams everyone’s newsfeed with quotes that don’t seem to mean anything and lots of numbers where letters should be.
6. The Stalker
He liked a tagged pic of you from 2008, so you could say it’s time to remove this guy from your friend list. It wasn’t even a profile pic, which means he literally had to go through all of your thousands of tagged pictures to get to 2008, and that’s just creepy.
7. The Club Promoter
Here’s a secret, Mr. Promoter: nobody wants to go to a 16+ foam party at a sketchy club, no matter how many free drinks “ladies” get. Stop inviting us to these random events that we will NEVER attend.
8. The Political Ranter
Political views are great, as long as they aren’t splattered across our Facebook News Feeds every hour of the day. Keep it to yourself; your political rants are not endearing. In fact, it makes us more likely to unfriend you… and disagree with whatever point you’re trying to make.
9. The Selfie Queen
Whether a girl or a guy, this Facebook fiend is known to post entire albums of selfies… in his or her bathroom, at school, in bed or in a car. Just stop. Please.
Sorry, Facebook friends, but a lot of you aren’t going to make the cut. Just think of it as Spring Cleaning—something that has to be done.