We know college students aren’t a bunch of angels, but even still there are some behaviors that best be kept hidden from your parents. You love them to death, so let’s hide the disappointment from mom and dad a little longer, shall we? Here are the 13 ways you’ve not so low-key let them down.
1. Spending your money irresponsibly
Avocado add-on? Yes please! Four different lace-up body suits? Absolutely! Investing my money to eventually pay off the massive student loans I will be saddled with? No thank you.
2. Sleeping in
Didn’t you read that study that said teens need 9 to 10 hours of sleep? I figure if I’m going to perform at optimal efficiency I should make it 12 to 14 hours a night.
3. Not doing enough laundry
I may or may not be wearing a bathing suit bottom as underwear right now, but my parents are hundreds of miles away so they can’t judge me for it.
4. Idolizing vapid celebrities
If my parents knew that Kim Kardashian going back on Instagram was a topic of conversation on-campus, they’d send me home and make me listen to NPR for 800 hours.
5. Looking at screens constantly
Don’t worry, my ocular muscles are actually becoming stronger from watching Instagram makeup tutorials on my phone while I watch Netflix on my laptop. Not addicted at all.
6. Procrastinating
Excuse me while I read every Wikipedia page pertaining to the O. J. Simpson trial. This is definitely more important than my research paper due tomorrow that will count for 20 percent of my final grade.
7. Excessive caffeine intake
Nothing like drinking a nice cup of coffee, accelerating your heart rate beyond normal ranges and sweating profusely to start your morning.
8. Forgetting to call
Wah. I’m sorry. Nothing more to say about this one.
9. Drug or alcohol-induced shenanigans
Binge-drinking was not a thing for our parents’ generation, so the whole culture must seem depraved. Well, it actually is depraved.
10. Tipping badly
I don’t have the steady income to tip my service the way they deserve. Believe me, once I have more than four dollars in my bank account, I will be a big spender.
11. Being antisocial
Sometimes I don’t want to eat lunch with friends. Sometimes, I just want to bump Beyoncé and update my resume.
12. Unhealthy eating
Late-night snacking, ignoring fruits and veggies, sugary sodas. The list goes on and on… and none of it would be allowed at home.
13. Posting rap lyrics as Instagram captions
My parents would strike me dead if they knew what a trap queen was.