As we continue shamelessly watching Chris Soules’ journey to find love on The Bachelor, his habits are starting to become more and more apparent—especially when it comes to conversation. Take, for instance, his resolute silence and emotionless expressions while the ladies gab away about all their issues and hopes for the future. With that in mind, we got to thinking about what is really going on in our Prince Farming’s head as he solidifies his status as a man of very few words and a whole lot of hugs and kisses.
Sexual healing
In the most hushed of tones, Chris made clear to Carly that she didn’t have to undress him during their one-on-one date with a sex guru once she admitted it made her uncomfortable.
What he said: “So am I. So don’t do this.”
What he was thinking: You already have my pants slightly tugged down and now is when you choose to tell me it’s weird. Why is having this sex guru woman watching us any more awkward than the eyes of all of America—including our friends and family?
Marriage material
Later in the evening, Chris had no problem showing his admiration for Carly. But he definitely left out a pivotal part of this compliment.
What he said: “I think Carly would make the best wife.”
What he was thinking: Just maybe not for me. I mean, can we ever really get past that chocolate covered strawberry moment? It would just be weird every time we encountered fruit, right?
Second time’s the charm
After Jordan—who you may or may not remember as one of two very drunk, very blond females this season—returned for a second chance with Chris, he had to let her down gently again, but not without placing partial blame on his remaining gals.
What he said: “I just can’t do this to them. You know? I think the right decision, as a man, is to not let this go any further.”
What he was thinking: I was told by producers to let you stick around to at least stir up some trouble this evening, but I’m no more interested in you now than when I sent you home the first time.
Up, up, and away
Though Chris was fooled by Britt’s effortless—she’s anti-showering for some reason—attempts to look beautiful even at 4:30 a.m., it was Britt who ended up falling for Chris’s deceptions. Hot air balloons aren’t just a typical means of transportation for The Wizard of Oz; they’re for rich farmers, too!
What he said: “This is, for me, probably a once in a lifetime experience.”
What he was thinking: Emphasis on “probably” since, if you’ve forgotten, the producers will set me up with one of these any time I want.
Silence is golden
When Chris first responded to the ladies’ endless amount of tragic stories with silence, a hug, and an uncalled for and slightly inappropriate kiss, we didn’t realize it would become a routine. We get it; it’s extremely difficult to hear these tales and maybe we wouldn’t know how to react either, but will he be a reliable shoulder to cry on or a voice of reason and support if he becomes one of these women’s husband? We’re starting to think not.
What he said: Nothing.
What he was thinking: Sanderson Poe has to be the best names I’ve ever heard in my life. And that’s including Kale.
Even Kelsey’s skeptical, and we know she’s not the most trustworthy person!
Do you think Chris needs to work on his conversational skills or should he just stick to kissing?