When it comes to academia, your day-to-day class schedule has an unfailing way of coloring your otherwise fabulous life 50 shades of Pretty Freakin’ Bleak. We sympathize with you, we really do. We’ve compiled a list of the craziest college classes of Fall 2012 so you can live vicariously through the FIT students getting class credit for learning how to differentiate between quartz and real deal diamond. Isn’t it about time you took an elective?
“Just Friends: I Don’t Love You Like That” - Harvard University (Cambridge, Massachusetts)
Doesn’t this course title sound like the next mediocre romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper you might plan your next girls’ night out around? “I Don’t Love You Like That, opening this weekend at a Cineplex near you. Grab your popcorn. Grab your boyfriend who we promise would rather buy you tampons than see this film.”
In reality, it’s a first year seminar at Harvard concentrating on the nature of friendship and its role throughout history, from platonic love to the contemporary concept of “friend zoning.” As a first year seminar, it’s only open to freshmen, which means if you’re still getting the “I just wanna be friends” talk from guys sophomore year, you are apparently completely out of luck. Sorry, girl.
“Pet Nutrition” - University of Guelph (Guelph, Ontario, Canada)
Now here’s a course we could have used when we were killing off goldfish every other week during our childhood. Nutrition is something humans spend an inordinate amount of time per day ruminating on, but when it comes to Fido, it’s kind of like, “Oh crap, I dropped that tofu cube on the floor. Whatever, the dog will get it.” Furthermore, since Garfield started going YOLO over lasagna in 1978, cats worldwide have tossed up their paws in resignation and surrendered to the prefix their species seemed inevitably prone to procure: fat. But University of Guelph is having none of this. In Pet Nutrition, veterinary students learn the nutrient requirements, feed formulation, and nutritional idiosyncrasies for dogs, cats, and exotic pets, so you can finally discover the dietary requirements of the macaque you want to adopt.
“Basic Bookbinding” - Fashion Institute of Technology (New York, New York)
Bookbinding may seem like an obsolete trade of monks and Mennonites alone, but upon witnessing Lauren Conrad’s recent first-degree book murder, this ancient practice has received the greatest PR boost in its entire several thousand-year history (Can you say enterprising? This is more compelling than anything that ever happened on The Hills!). In this course, students learn bookbinding through traditional methods like sewing and accordion folding—invaluable skills when an unpredictable girl with an X-Acto knife between her polished fingers is threatening to chop all your books up under the pretense of a “crafty creation.”
“Thinking about Video Games” - Bard College (Annandale on Hudson, New York)
Our first reaction to the title of this class was that perhaps it was simply a comical euphemism for the idle lives of lazy college students. As in, “Oh yeah, this semester I’m taking Economic Theory II, Early Victorian Literature, Themes in Northern Art, and ‘Thinking About Video Games’, wink wink, nudge nudge.” But oh, how wrong we were. Bard College has in fact created a course on the very topic of many an adolescent boy’s academic demise: video games (and the time spent thinking about them). The syllabus details a semester-long analysis of computer gaming through philosophy, history, cultural theory, and art, including a look into the nature of games and their function in society. If you’ve ever cursed your boyfriend for skipping out on a hangout to beat “this really, really intense level in COD”, maybe it’s time to forgive, forget, and take back that one time you threw a controller at his head and called him a failure.