To put it bluntly, humans are ignorant beings. We say things without thinking and don’t realize that we’re being offensive until after the fact, or not ever. Black women, along with women from other minorities, are subject to this ignorance on a daily basis. Questions, assumptions and “compliments” that we think are harmless are really not at all. Below are just a few examples of things that you should never say to a black woman.
1. “But you don’t act black.”
And what, exactly, is acting black? It is unfair to assume that all African-Americans fit a certain mold and act a certain way. You may say this harmlessly and the woman you say this to may brush off the comment, but trust us, it’s offensive. If she doesn’t say anything in response, she’s just being polite.
2. “You sound so white though!”
Wow, didn’t know that to qualify as black you had to speak a certain way. Just because she annunciates and speaks proper English doesn’t mean you have the right to question her ethnicity.
3. “You’re so articulate!”
Why are you so shocked? She has an education.
4. “Why do you speak like that?”
Because… that’s just her voice.
5. “Do you care if I call you the ‘N’ word?”
There’s a 90% chance that she does, so save yourself the drama and don’t even ask. Many people gloss over the significance of the “N” word, simply seeing it as a term of endearment. Historically, the “N” word was a phrase used to degrade black people. It was a word used by white supremacists to convey that people of African descent were not human at all. So, now knowing the historical origin of the word, why exactly do you want to call her by the “N” word again…?
6. “What does *insert the latest popular slang word here* mean?”
And what makes you think that she should know? You might even be the first person to expose her to the word.
7. “Is that your hair? Or a weave?”
Why are you assuming that it isn’t? Not all black women wear weave, and if they do, it’s none of your business. Honestly, it’s rude to ask. If they wanted people to know, they’d wear a sign. She doesn’t ask you if you wear weave, so why do you?
8. “Can I touch your hair?”
She’s not your golden retriever, Skippy. But hey, at least you asked.
9. “You mean that’s your real hair? OMG it’s so nice!”
You do realize that your shocked reaction implies that you didn’t think that she could grow something so nice herself, right? You’re also implying that you don’t hold a high regard for African-American hair in general.
10. “URGH! My hair looks like an afro today!”
First of all, stop. Your hair is far from looking like an afro. Secondly, what’s wrong with afros to begin with?
11. “Why don’t you ever wear your hair curly like *insert the name of someone with a completely different hair texture/curl pattern here*?”
People with curly hair are born with a certain type of curl pattern. They can’t change their natural hair unless they use chemicals, which leaves permanent and sometimes damaging results. She doesn’t wear her hair like someone with a 3b curl pattern because her hair is a 4c. It’s as simple as that.
12. “How do you comb/brush your hair?”
She does it with a comb and with a brush, same as you…
13. “Can you teach me how to twerk?”
Why do you assume that because she’s black, she will know how to do it?
14. “Where are you from? Jamaica?”
If she says she’s Caribbean, never jump to the conclusion that she’s from Jamaica. It may be one of the more popular islands, but it is not the only island in the Caribbean Sea. There’s also Antigua and Barbuda, Dominica, St. Lucia, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, and many more.
15. “You’re so pretty! Are you mixed with anything?”
We’re not saying don’t give out compliments when you feel the need to, but just please, be mindful of what you say. You’re indirectly implying that a black woman must be mixed with another ethnicity to ever be considered pretty.
16. “I’m usually not into black girls, but you’re beautiful.” / “You’re pretty for a black girl.”
And what is it about the black female population that is so unappealing? And how exactly did she manage to obtain the privilege of meeting your standards? At this point, are you even really giving out a compliment at all?
17. “You and *insert another black woman’s name here* look so much alike.”
Not all black people look alike just because they’re black. She probably doesn’t see it at all.
18. “You’re so sassy” / “Why do black girls have so much attitude?”
Just because the “angry black woman” stereotype is constantly portrayed by black actresses in television and film doesn’t mean that it’s actually true. Why does her speaking her mind fall under the category of “sass” and “attitude”?
19. “Haaayy Bon Qui Qui/Sharqueffa/Shanaynay!”
If that’s not her name, what makes you think it’s okay to call her that? It’s actually not as funny as you think. Honestly, it’s not funny at all…
20. “I’m a big fan of *insert the name of a relevant black actor, athlete, celebrity, musician or politician here*”
And you felt the need to go out of your way to mention this to her because…? She may not have even voted for Obama, she may think Kanye West is insane and blasphemous, and she may not even know who Michael B Jordan is.
21. “Why do you guys get your own television station? That’s segregation.”
This one may seem a bit far-fetched, but trust us; it’s been said before. BET wasn’t created as a means for black people to distance themselves from other cultures; on the contrary, it was instilled in order to give black men and women a voice and something to relate to. It’s 2016 and Caucasian actresses and actors still account for the majority of the faces we see in popular culture.
22. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to tan or use sunscreen!”
For the record, black people are capable of tanning and they do need protection from the sun too. Their dark skin makes them less prone to sunburns and skin cancer, but they are still vulnerable to the effects of sun exposure.
23. “What do you want to eat? Fried chicken?”
Okay…she probably wouldn’t mind a wing or two but damn, you don’t have to joke about fried chicken with a side of grape soda and a slice of watermelon all of the time.