hooking up

We need to talk.

I've got a sneaking suspicion that something fishy is going on. You've recently spent late nights in the gym getting your buns in tip-top shape. You've been to the tanning salon several times this week to get something called a "base." You've even conned some money out of your parents for a service trip to Nicaragua that for some reason has a six-day layover in Cancun.

We need to talk.

I'd like to tell you a story. It's a story of love. It's a story of loss. It's a story of life's hardships, of the lifelong bond between friends, and of a promising young girl who came to a tragic end.

For the sake of anonymity, we'll call her Sloppy McButterface.