How NOT to Choose a College

Posted Nov 29 2012 - 12:00am
Tagged With: humor, lists, picking a college

Her Campus has given you a lot of tips on how to find the right school for you, but how might you go about finding the opposite? Blaze your own trail and seek to be miserable for the next four years by basing your college decision on completely flawed criteria. Read on for seven abysmal reasons to choose a college.

high school couple, highschool musical

1. Your sister, best friend or boyfriend is going there.

These four years are the perfect time for self-discovery and new experiences, and only one thing could make them even better — complete dependence on other people! Prioritize each college based on where your family members, friends or significant other attend school, whether or not you actually like it yourself. After all, the best way to ensure a freshman year of misery and regret is to base your life plans on what happened in high school!

2. The application is easy.

College applications can be stressful, especially when you’re filling out a whole bunch of them. So why bother filling out another application when you can just do the Common App once? If you were really in the mood to make a poor decision, you’d ignore the fact that membership to the Common App is limited to universities that use certain criteria. Who cares about the numerous high-quality schools with their own applications — Georgetown University and Columbia University, for example, as well as most public colleges? Not you! Besides, being happy for the next four years probably isn’t worth the relatively minuscule hassle of writing a couple more essays. Play it safe and succumb to laziness instead.

3. It’s good at sports, bro.

Choose your favorite university like you’d choose your favorite child — whoever’s most athletic! Plenty of schools have suffered embarrassingly unsuccessful football seasons, for example, including Macalester College, Northwestern University, Oberlin College and Swarthmore College. Never mind that they’re all highly esteemed and sure to grant you an excellent education, which is significantly more relevant to your future than their season record. Go for a school in the midst of a lucky season instead and start looking forward to living for Saturdays.

4. It has a high ranking.

A countless number of news sources try each year to quantify and rank the merits of universities world- and nationwide: U.S. News and World Report, Forbes, Newsweek and Washington Monthly, just to name a few. Each uses different criteria, like “alumni giving rate” and “faculty salary,” to determine which schools are better or worse than others. Forget the fact that these rankings vary from source to source and year to year, and don’t even think about how your personal preferences might deviate from the rankings — just pick a magazine out of a hat and choose the school on your list that ranked the highest. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and a choice well researched.

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