If it feels like it’s burning or raw “down there”…
Another super common explanation for pain during sex is vestibulodynia (basically a fancy name for pain and discomfort around the opening and edges of your vagina). This is actually the leading cause of painful intercourse for women under 50, according to Dr. Coady. Vestibulodynia can be easily treated, but make sure to seek help ASAP to keep symptoms from getting too serious and making the problem even worse. Treatment options could entail making a few simple changes to your daily routine, which could be as easy as changing from pads to tampons, wearing looser clothing, or switching out meds like birth control that alter hormone levels in your body. Vestibulodynia is also sometimes treated with slightly more intense solutions like different creams or medications that can help relax your muscles before sex. Also, be careful of activities engaged in during foreplay or pre-sex activity. Pain from vestibulodynia usually results from the affected area being touched or aggravated too much, so extended foreplay, rough sex, or positions that maximize penetration (him on top, doggy style) could all amplify pain.
If you feel pain everywhere, but especially in your pelvis.
Dr. Coady describes the pelvic floor as “a very busy place.” Your pelvic floor is made up of different muscles and connective tissue structured out of tendons and ligaments that let organs from all other parts and systems of your body pass through.
Injuries to other parts of your body can serve as sources for pain during sex. As Dr. Coady describes, “The organs of the pelvis are intimately associated and so a problem in one easily influences it neighbors, often causing sexual pain.”
Because all other body systems and organs connect to your pelvic region, different injuries to parts like your hips, spine, or other key joints can often be felt in your pelvis if they go untreated or undiagnosed long enough. So it may feel like something down there is wrong or hurt, but it could be pain from an injury further up on your body.
Time for a quick lesson on your nervous system. Dr. Coady explains that a nerve known as the pudendal nerve serves as a main sensory nerve to your vulva (basically it’s the part of your body that helps register and deliver different sensations to the opening of your vagina). According to Dr. Coady, any pain you feel in the “nerve layer” “of your body is perceived or registered as coming from the sensory area that the pudendal nerve supplies.” Any painful sex that happens as a result of damage or injury to your pudendal nerve will usually be accompanied with burning, itching, or pain when you sit.
If there’s nothing physically wrong, but it still hurts…
Sometimes, sex just straight up hurts for no infection or condition-related reason. It’s totally normal to experience some pain or soreness during sex, particularly if it’s a long or rough session, if he’s especially well-endowed down there, or if you’re experiencing dryness just from being nervous or not in the mood. If pain during sex doesn’t last long enough or feel harsh enough to warrant a trip to the gyno, but it’s getting in the way of your sex life, don’t just power through the pain—try some of these easy fixes instead.
One easy fix is to try using lube, or use more lube than usual if sex is more “ouch” than “OMG.” Things like stress or meds like birth control pills can dry you out down there, making sex more painful than usual if you’ve got something like a big midterm coming up. Apply lube generously during foreplay and right before you do the deed to make things extra smooth. There are several varieties of lube, from water-based to oil or silicone-based ones, so experiment with different kinds until you find one that you like best. Learn more about the pros and cons of each type of lube here.
Taking things slow and making sure you’re relaxed and ready before things get, ahem, hot and heavy is another good way to lessen or ease any pain felt during sex, especially if your partner is a bit… bigger than you expected. There’s a reason so many magazines publish a gazillion articles on different ideas for foreplay! Keep things slow for the first few times rather than getting rough right away. Speak up if something’s hurting or doesn’t feel right too, and have your partner take it down a notch. If things still feel off, consider trying a different position. Most likely, getting on top will be your best bet—girl on top tends to be the position that causes the least amount of pain for girls because it allows us to control the level of penetration.
Obviously sex should be something you enjoy, not something that causes you pain. “The most important point is that these are treatable and deserve treatment,” says Dr. Coady. “Younger women may be more hesitant to seek care, and of course many if not most MDs are not skilled in recognizing and treating these problems.”
Make sure you visit a trusted, knowledgeable provider—try a gyno, your regular doctor, or your campus health center—if you experience regular discomfort or if something simply doesn’t feel right between you and your partner during sex. (Need help finding a gyno, or want to know what it’ll be like? Her Campus has you covered
Pain should not be left untreated. Be smart, be safe, and when it doubt, get it checked out.
