What do you have to do today?
Does your stomach twist into knots in response to this question? Are you feeling overwhelmed by a long list of claims on your time? Do you ever feel like you’re spreading yourself too thin, even though you’re a willing participant in everything that’s eating up your time? If the answer is yes to any of these, it sounds like you could be struggling with the so-called “overachiever complex” afflicting collegiettes nationwide.
Why Do We Need to Do It All?
It’s amazing how many collegiettes today freely admit to being overachievers. As University of Michigan graduate Erica Avesian asserts, “I would definitely describe myself as an overachiever. I’m always on the go and I put 110% effort into every single thing I do. Joining one club is not good enough for me; I have to join 4 or 5 clubs and take on a leadership role in each one. I strive for perfection and don’t quit until I’ve done something just right. During the school year, I have classes, extracurriculars, internships, a part-time job, etc. I do it all and then some.”
Young women today are faced with an unprecedented amount of stress, due to the fact that we’re conditioned to try to “have it all”—the enviable job, the perfect body, the dream house, and someday a beautiful family of our own. These overwhelming expectations trickle down into our everyday college lives. Our youth and sense of invincibility give us an added boost of confidence as we chase after every opportunity. While it’s fantastic that the current generation of collegiettes believes we can do anything, over-ambitious individuals can easily fall into the habit of piling on more and more commitments at the expense of our health and well-being.
Why do we do it? Sometimes it’s an issue of pride—we simply can’t bring ourselves to say no. As Jen Long from Saint Louis University explains, “I constantly have to tell myself, ‘Don’t be a hero.’ I want to cover everything that I can by myself, because my personality is to give 500% on whatever I’m doing . . . It’s really hard to say no to a project, or to an extra shift at work when someone is sick, and I feel almost guilty.”
Another factor is the fear of missed chances. “I like to think of myself as an opportunity capitalist in the sense that I never turn down an opportunity to progress my burgeoning career, but admittedly, the volume of commitments I take on is often overwhelming,” says Kristen Pye from McGill University. College campuses tend to create environments that encourage competition and often feed the overachiever complex. Dr. James Reinhard, Associate Director for Psychiatry at Virginia Tech’s Thomas E. Cook Counseling Center, says, “You’re around a bunch of overachievers all in one spot, and it’s hard to go backwards once you’ve had the taste of success. You can’t let yourself or anybody else down.” This peer pressure is only heightened by today’s social media, where the achievements of others are constantly being posted online—tweets about impressive internships, Facebook photos from a friend’s service trip abroad, and more.
When Overachieving Goes Too Far
Doing it all only becomes an issue when you start to sacrifice your mental or physical health as a result of overworking yourself. For Kristen Pye, the first thing that she sacrifices is sleep: “Sometimes my sleep schedule is entirely flipped for days on end, because I work all through the night, and only manage to fit in 4 or so hours of sleep between 5 and 9 am.”
It’s very common for college students to put their health on the backburner when we’re flooded with work to do. We’re in our physical prime, so it doesn’t seem like a big deal to skip showers, workouts, meals, and sleep in order to catch up on or get ahead with our other assignments, tasks, and time commitments. But when staying up a couple hours later than usual turns into three sleepless nights in a row, it’s time for an intervention. Some of us may be able to endure the stress of endless to-do lists and deadlines for longer, but we all have a breaking point. Usually, it’s when our bodies can’t keep up with everything we’re undertaking. “I’ve definitely reached my breaking point multiple times. We are only human and can only handle so much. I start to fall apart when I say yes to too many things and have a ton of tasks to accomplish at the same time. I feel like I’ve lost all control and am never going to get everything done which makes me feel bad about myself because I’m afraid I will let people down,” says Erica Ayesian.
The stress associated with feeling overwhelmed by the number of demands on your time and the fear of failure can, if left unchecked, do a lot of harm. Chronic or long-term stress is incredibly draining and detrimental to your health. Registered Nurse Bernadette Parker says that this can manifest itself through a variety of symptoms: “Can’t sleep, don’t eat, very nervous, constantly on edge, can’t think or concentrate . . . eventually it can get to the point where there are thoughts of suicide or even attempts at it. You can’t push someone past their limits. I see this in the grade schools, and the high schools, and especially in college. You kids are being exposed to such great expectations. It’s incredible . . . you get ulcers, turn to drugs and alcohol, all because of extreme stress.”
Dr. Reinhard also points out how pressure to overachieve has led to the increasing presence of stimulants on college campuses, “used to keep up the pace.” This includes everything from caffeine to prescribed drugs like Ritalin and Adderall, which are seeing an upsurge in both legal and illegal distribution and usage. Another alarming spike is in the number of colliegiettes being diagnosed with mood disorders, particularly bipolar disorder. “It’s interesting that’s it’s getting diagnosed more and more with college-aged women,” says Dr. Reinhard. What does bipolar disorder look like? “Mood swings used to be manic-depressive or type I bipolar. Now bipolar disorder is getting diagnosed with type II full-blown manic, lots of energy, feeling really good about yourself and even some irritability.”
How to Find a Healthy Balance
If you’ve reached a point where you feel exhausted no matter how much you sleep, get sick easily, and can’t even concentrate on one thing at a time, there’s no way you’re going to get through that mile-long to-do list. If you neglect your body, you don’t stand a chance of continuing down the overachiever path. So how do you kick butt and reach for the stars without letting yourself become so overambitious that you start to sacrifice your health? Here are all the pointers your need to build your mental endurance and power through everything on your plate—all the while, staying healthy and keeping your stress levels low.
Reevaluate your commitments and identify your priorities
It’s important to look ahead at what activities are going to be eating up your time, especially going into a new school year. What’s taking up the greatest amount of your energy? Is it classes and extracurricular meetings, spending time with your significant other, going to the gym, cooking for yourself? Managing your health needs to be a top priority—you’re no use to anyone (including yourself) if you’re sick, sleep-deprived, or stressed out. Make sure you’re taking the time to eat healthy, work out, and have a social life. You’ll thank yourself in the long run.
Some of the things you have to accomplish in the upcoming months no doubt come with deadlines. Can you complete all the necessary tasks both well and before their respective deadlines? Be sure that you’re allowing yourself enough time to complete applications, papers, etc. with a degree of quality. Is everything on your to-do list important to you? Make sure you’re not sacrificing considerable time and energy to things that aren’t for your own benefit. Many of us can feel pressured by our parents and peers to pursue opportunities that probably wouldn’t have interested us on our own. As Erica Avesian says, “If you realize you aren’t enjoying something, you may have to let it go.”
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Even if you find that you’re stretched too thin and have to give up something that you really were interested in, you shouldn’t let it get to you. Sometimes it’s necessary to put a couple things on the backburner, at least temporarily, in order to focus on more pressing or more important matters. It’s okay to do this! “You don’t have to get all As, have the world’s greatest boyfriend, start up your own non-profit organization, be a therapist to your friends, and solve world hunger, all before the age of 25,” Erica quips. Find ways to lighten your load when it becomes unbearable. If your academic schedule’s too packed for the half-a-dozen clubs you’re in, consider taking a break from one of your extracurriculars, even if it’s just for a semester. You can always return in the spring when you have a lighter course load. If doing your own grocery shopping and cooking is consuming a lot of your valuable spare time, it might be worth investing in a campus meal plan for a year. You also need to make sure you’re getting enough sleep, between 6 and 10 hours a night. For more on the detrimental effects of depriving yourself of sleep, check out this HC article.
Find a system of organization that works for you
Okay, you’ve taken the “fluff” out of your to-do list and whittled it down to the essential tasks that are important to you, along with a couple opportunities you want to take the time to pursue, such as applying for an internship you’re crazy about or editing a term paper and submitting it for publication. Now you need to line up all your deadlines (real or self-imposed) and figure out how you’re going to succeed in checking things off your list. If you’re a visual person who likes the satisfaction of crossing out or putting a giant check mark next to completed tasks, get a whiteboard (or use your dorm room mirror!) and put down all the things you have to do. Too overwhelmed by the result? Break tasks down into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Need a support system? Reach out to your friends and family—tell them what you have to do and when you have to do it by. When others know what you’re up to, they can check in on your progress, motivate you, and make you feel extra proud when you meet your deadlines. They’re also there when you need to vent or seek advice.
Figure out your limits and take mental breaks
It’s incredibly important to be aware of how much you can take on without breaking down. What are your boundaries? At what point do you need to stop adding to your plate in order to stay healthy? As Jen Long observes, “If you need three meals a day and 8 hours of sleep, then don’t deprive yourself of that just because your roommate is a super human that can function without consistent food or sleep. That’s not you, and that’s not how your survive.”
It’s easy to learn at what point you need to cut back on the obligations. As Austin May from the College of William & Mary says, “Overachieving becomes destructive once you lose sight of specific goals. It’s hard to achieve what you can’t even focus on. I have, and so have most modern-day college students. I lost focus, I felt overburdened and stressed out, and I had trouble working towards one specific task, leading to lots of procrastination.”
To avoid your body and mind shutting down on you, know when and how to give yourself a break. As Austin realized, “Having fun is essential, not only does it provide a break from one’s workload, but it makes life worth living.” There are so many ways to de-stress, from taking ten minutes to simply breathe as deeply and slowly as you can, to taking 30 minutes to jog around town. Meditate, bake, listen to some music, read a book, call a friend, take a stroll outside and literally smell the roses… whatever works for you! Explore the different methods of calming and collecting yourself until you find one that suits you. The ultimate goal: you should be able to return to your work feeling rejuvenated and focused.
Want instant de-stressing results? Try Erica Avesian’s trick: “Change your frame of mind. Instead of viewing every situation as a crisis, relax and take a deep breath and make a realistic plan of action for getting everything done.” Put things into perspective: missing a club meeting or turning in a paper late won’t kill you. On the other hand, failing to sleep or feed yourself sufficiently will.
Kelsey Mulvey from Boston University describes how she de-stresses: “If I find myself really overwhelmed with work and stuff, I’ll carve out time to relax, whether it’s not making plans with my friends one night or deciding to finish something the next day.”
Know your resources and know when to just say “no”
When you have a minute (and you should, if you follow our tips), explore your university website and/or counseling center. There’s almost always a wealth of mental health resources to be found on campus. If you’re feeling overworked and want to talk to someone about it, why not seek out a professional? Check out this article about four collegiettes who gave it a try! Most colleges offer free one-on-one sessions that pair students with psychologists. If you don’t like the idea of venting to a complete stranger, there are often a lot of other resources to be found online, such as self-help materials, links to relevant websites, or even lists of mental health iPhone apps!
Jen Long has it down: “If you want to give 500% to a task, you need to learn how to use lesser tasks as a break. Most importantly, stay healthy. Don’t let the guilt of ‘giving up’ get to you, and take it as a lesson in self-control. If you constantly need a challenge, like the overachiever you are, then challenge yourself to stay within your limits, and challenge yourself to say ‘no’ every once in a while.”