For whatever reason, you finally decided to go on a diet. Maybe you just want to adopt a healthier lifestyle. Or maybe you’re looking to lose a few pounds for your next beach trip. You go grocery shopping with your new resolve and can’t seem to remember why diets never used to work out for you. “Just go for it,” you think. “This will be easy,” you think… and then it suddenly clicks why you gave up every other time.
1. Most diets don’t involve pizza.
2. Or bacon…
3. Or ice cream…
4. Or beer…
5. And sometimes food brings us more joy than basically anything else in the world.
6. We thought we were done with math back in high school and counting calories is a whole new kind of mathematical torture.
7. It takes forever to finally see your results and those cookies are literally staring into your soul and begging for your love.
8. What’s a diet without exercise… and what is exercise but literally our worst nightmare?
9. They say you can live 21 days without food before your body starts shutting down. And you wanna know who “they” are, because it’s been two hours and you are fairly confident your organs are eating themselves.
10. Healthy food isn’t all bad, but it can be pretty pricey for things you don’t even really want to be eating.
11. Watching everyone else eat fries while you eat kale chips is the worst.
12. You probably never realized it could be better to fantasize about a hamburger than it is to fantasize about Ryan Gosling shirtless.
13. You’ll never forget the sensual/spiritual/emotional experience of a great meal.
14. It’s basically impossible to look cool eating a salad.
15. It’s definitely impossible to look cool eating broccoli or a stalk of celery.
16. It’s not easy sticking to something for so long.
17. And even though in the end it can be really worth it, you still miss the good times you used to have with your true love, pizza.
