Girl Power: How to Assert Yourself as a Young Woman

For her birthday last year, James Madison University junior Liz LaHayne’s mom got her a ring featuring a freshwater pearl. Just days later, the pearl fell out. Despite the fact that the ring had a warranty, Liz was turned down at the jeweler when she asked that they replace the pearl. The next day, her mother spoke with the same saleswoman and had the ring repaired, at no extra cost, no questions asked.

We’ve all been there. Maybe your landlords treat you differently than they do your adult neighbors, or waiters at a local restaurant think the table of professors downstairs deserves much more attention than you and your buddies on the deck. But just because you’re a girl and/or student doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be treated with respect.

“Nobody can walk all over you unless you give them permission to do that,” says Gail Evans, author of Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman. “It’s cultural, and the system isn’t going to change itself,” she says. “You have to control it yourselves.”

We all want to be treated like adults, and we shouldn’t have to have our parents step in to make it happen. Here are a few common scenarios, and how to avoid being taken advantage of in each:

Rude Retail

Let’s face it; it’s true that you probably aren’t going to spend as much at Macy’s as the woman in the suit and stilettos looking at $700 purses. However, the salespeople don’t know that for sure, and they certainly shouldn’t assume it.

When walking into a store, you set the tone. Have a mature attitude, and be assertive (but not rude), and kind (but not timid) to the salespeople, and you’ll be taken seriously. Also, present yourself as the type of shopper that you would want to cooperate with, should you work in the store. “Learn how to speak up nicely, not flip,” says Evans. “Be pleasant.”

Don’t be afraid to make requests, like asking the salesperson to check the back when there are no more boots your size on the floor.

If you’re still having problems, find the manager. Somewhere in the store there’s someone who (hopefully) understands good customer service and will help you to meet your needs. But beware: Never, never get into a childish argument with anyone. This will not get you anywhere.

However, if a store’s employees are consistently not nice, stop shopping there—and let everyone know why. “That’s how things change. Blog about it, tell your friends, and make it public,” Evans says. Evans also suggests making your reason for boycotting the store known to the manager. “Alert them: ‘I was going to shop and spend my money here, but now I’m not going to because of [insert reason here].’ That is the only way they will realize how bad the situation is,” says Evans.

Lackluster Landlords

“From the landlord’s perspective, college students are temporary residents,” says Evans. “So set the precedent from the start that you are good tenants and you want to be treated the same way any permanent residents would.” All tenants pay rent and deserve to live in a stress-free environment. If you aren’t getting what you want out of the place you live, you need to speak-up!

Earlier this year, my roommates and I were dissatisfied with way our brand new, super-expensive apartment building was being managed. We wrote a lengthy, levelheaded email to the building’s owners describing each issue and how we felt it violated our lease. Within a couple of weeks, all problems were fixed and we have been treated with the utmost respect ever since.

Girls, no one—not even the sandy-haired boy from Calculus you’ve been subconsciously urging to ask you out—can read your mind. So, communicate your needs in an appropriate way and the person you’re working with will have a much easier time serving you.

Wrathful Waiters

There’s a restaurant downtown at James Madison University that absolutely no one can resist. Everyone from students, to professors, to locals, to visitors driving through craves dishes on this restaurant’s famous menu.

It’s well-known that when you order one of these delicious plates, you’d better be willing to watch Titanic from start to Jack’s sorrowful finish before you expect to get your food. However, the waiters never seem to mind that you’re sitting there with your mouth watering for what feels like an eternity.

When James Madison senior Andrea Virden and her family went to this restaurant for dinner last month, the wait was no different. Except, their waiter not only apologized, but he gave them their meal for free! We all know that never would have happened if the table had included a group of students grabbing dinner after an afternoon study sesh instead of a family.

Act like an adult at a restaurant, and you’ll be treated like one—from the start, ask your server’s name, and remember it. Make eye contact when you use his or her name, along with “please” and “thank you.” Don’t let your group be overly loud or rambunctious, or else your waiter will have reason to treat you like you should be ordering off the kids’ menu.

When you are genuine and polite, waiters notice and will want to take care of you. And last but not least, tip well. If your salary has ever relied on how much you were tipped, you understand. Plus, your waiter will remember your generosity and that food just might come a little faster next time.

Take Yourself Seriously

These situations, although common, are by no means the only times you will face unequal treatment as a young woman. Poor and unfair customer service in society has been around forever, but it’s up to us to change that. If you want things to change, then voice your issues. “You can’t just walk out unsatisfied,” Evans says. “Let the manager know why you’re leaving. That’s how they’ll learn.” We are capable of being strong and powerful; we must be treated with respect to be taken seriously as young women, and in order to be treated with respect we must treat ourselves with respect. “As long as you take yourself seriously, don’t worry about it. Just walk away and keep on going,” says Evans.

General Tips for Asserting Yourself:

• Approach the situation with the expectation that you will be listened to and treated with respect.
• Understand that no one can read your mind and you need to communicate your needs confidently and maturely.
• Hold your head high and try not to slouch or look intimidated.
• Take ten deep breaths before any confrontational situations so you are calm and have collected your thoughts in an organized way.
• Connect with the people who serve you. Be friendly.
• Be respectful, but persistent.
• Don’t give any businesses your repeated business if they continue to give you poor customer service.

Sources: Gail Evans, author of Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman, http://www.gailevans.net/ Liz LaHayne, junior at James Madison University Andrea Virden, senior at James Madison University