Sometimes it might feel like you’re the only collegiette who didn’t trade a paycheck for an unpaid internship this summer, but you’re not alone, and you definitely shouldn’t regret it. The next time your best friend brags about her glamorous internship in the big city, remind yourself (or her, if you’re feeling feisty) of why your low-paying, unskilled job is 100 percent worth it:
If You’re a... Waitress
1. Because when the moment comes that the chef decides to give the servers a taste of his new dish, you will be first in line with a fork in hand (and a napkin for stealing some for later).
2. Because you know every wine on the list, and because you can use this skill to impress your future French lover. Enchanté.
3. Because you look hotter in a bow tie than any boy you know.
4. Because even though you look hotter in a bow tie than any boy you know, those bus boys come pretty darn close.
5. Because carrying those trays of glasses has given you superhuman balance skills that make dancing in five-inch heels feel like a cakewalk. Workkk. Ittt.
6. Because you can count every cash tip you earn as a Venti iced caramel macchiato, and now you’re guaranteed a steady caffeine and sugar buzz for the next 10 months. Who needs sleep?
7. Because you’ve successfully followed in the footsteps of Rachel Green... now you just need to convince your boss to change the name of the café to ‘Central Perk’ and hire a Gunther look-alike.
8. Because with great power comes great responsibility, and you sleep well at night knowing you make a daily choice not to spit in your customers’ food.
9. Because that handy employee discount means you can “treat” your boyfriend to dinner... without actually coughing up the cash. Hello, loophole!
10. Because you work nights, meaning you get to be the tan one amongst the poor, Vitamin-D deprived souls that are your intern friends – or were your friends, before you drove them back into the shadows of their cubicles with the blinding glow of your skin.
If You’re a... Babysitter or Nanny
1. Because the hardest part of your day is convincing the youngest boy not to eat dirt and/or bugs, and if you fail, oh well... it’s organic, right?
2. Because you’ve learned the words to every Justin Bieber and One Direction song ever played on Radio Disney, and you now have 60 ways to tick off your boyfriend when you’re feeling passive-aggressive.
3. Because you secretly enjoy Justin Bieber and One Direction, and because you plan to capitalize on your newfound skills to kick some a** at Karaoke Night.
4. Because kids have older, hotter brothers, and since you are also older and hotter, there’s really nothing stopping you, is there?
5. Because the parents keep a candy drawer in the house and you have free reign, Willy Wonka.
6. Because bedtimes exist.
7. Because you are really awful at Hide and Seek. So awful, in fact, that the kids sit and hide silently for over half an hour while you “look for them”... if “look for them” means “play Words With Friends with your roommate.”
8. Because you will never get bored of pinching a giggling baby’s cheeks. Literally never.
9. Because you have age and wisdom on your side when it comes time to play Monopoly and Clue. #winning.
10. Because listening to the Aéropostale-clad pre-teen girl talk to her friends about the status of her Instagram account (!?) and use the word “jelly” instead of “jealous” reminds you of how sweet it is to be past your awkward stage.
If You’re a... Lifeguard
1. Because your life is a Baywatch episode, minus the slow-mo soundtrack and David Hasselhoff’s excessive chest hair.
2. Because your tan lines might have more complex geometry than your ninth grade math class, but you still look better in a bathing suit than literally anyone else you know (all of that running on the beach that they show on Baywatch? True story).
3. Because you always smell like coconut and it drives your boy toy wild.
4. Because everyone wants to be the girl on the paddleboard. B*tch is in charge.
5. Because when Shark Week rolls around, everyone you know is suddenly incredibly interested in your job: “Have you seen a shark before!?” they ask. Well, that floating half of a car tire looked like a fin for a second... so the answer is yes, yes you have.
6. Because you will always win at Marco Polo. Always.
7. Because sitting up in that chair feels kind of like sitting on a throne above your subjects, and you’ve been told you look a bit like Kate Middleton. Born to rule?
8. Because your male co-workers are all of the young, muscular, half-naked variety – and what a coincidence, that’s your favorite variety!
9. Because you are first in line for Pop-Ice at the snack shop, which means pinks and reds all day, every day, like a champ.
10. Because people-watching is so much more fun when you’re getting paid to do it.
