You’re the master of office small talk; you have an elevator pitch that could’ve gotten you hired in 2008; you know not to kill the communal coffee without brewing another pot. You’re an all-star intern and a poised pre-professional. But what happens when things get personal, private, and pretty awkward, outside of the safety of your cubicle? We’ve got you covered with answers to your trickiest post-5:00 p.m. problems…
The Scenario: The staff goes out to drinks after work, and you’re under 21.
The Solution: Office happy-hour outings are the perfect excuse to network, schmooze, unwind, and finally order the fancy cocktail you’ve been curious about (bonus: often on the company tab). But what if you’re under 21? No mojitos for you, missy. You still go—assuming you can hang out in the bar without being 21, and it’s worth asking the event’s coordinator or calling the bar to confirm before you get turned down at the door. You confidently order a diet coke. Or a Shirley Temple. Or whatever. Leave your older sister’s expired ID at home…you’ll have to settle for the benefits of the bonding, without the buzz.
The Scenario: A co-worker hit on you.
The Solution: You look sexy in a blazer; you’re confident and articulate; you happen to be a female in the near vicinity, and he’s desperate. For whatever reason, your coworker has been hitting on you. Some experts might tell you to casually address his come-ons or explicitly turn down his compliments and offers, but I prefer a less nuanced approach. You deflect. Repeat after me: you have a “thing,” a boyfriend, or a complicated situation with a guy from school; you slip this information into your next conversation with the sleazy secretary. If said romantic interest doesn’t necessarily exist, you can call him Jared. (More believable than Bob.) You don’t want to tell an un-truth, but you really don’t want to embarrass your coworker—you know, the same guy who you have to sit next to every day. Good luck. I wish you and Jared all the best.
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The Scenario: You run into a co-worker when you’re out on a Saturday night.
The Solution: I believe it’s Newton’s Law that outlines the basic scientific principle that you only and always run into the people you’re least excited to see. This explains why you will, inevitably, stumble into your office-mate’s arms in between dancing on a table and re-fueling at the bar. (And it probably won’t be the attractive guy from accounting, either. Sorry.) If you can avoid eye contact and grab your girlfriends to make a quick escape…please do. Immediately. If you must strike a conversation with a coworker at a bar, keep it neutral, keep it brief, and then give him or her a polite wave as you move on to your next location. Come Monday, play it cool with a casual “Did you end up having a good night?” Keep all talk of bumping and grinding away from the water cooler.
The Scenario: Your boss friends you on Facebook.
The Solution: You know that picture you posted of your friends taking body shots at a bachelor party? Yeah…well your boss doesn’t need to see it. Since ignoring a friend request is the social network equivalent of refusing to take the stand at your own murder trial (what are you hiding?), you confirm the request. The fine print: you change your privacy settings so that he or she only has access to your most limited profile…no wall, no pics, no problem. Your boss can be your friend, but not your Friend. (Or is it the other way around?) Bottom line—your online activity should never preclude you from running for public office, so your coworkers can have limited access if they ask for it.
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The Scenario: A good friend works for a rival corporation and suddenly seems very interested in your job.
The Solution: Coke and Pepsi. Sprint and Verizon. Apple and Microsoft. Some corporate rivalries are so notoriously competitive that fraternizing with the enemy can be a commercial liability in addition to a social taboo. Have a friend who works for a competitor? Is that friend curious about your latest professional project? Play it safe by keeping conversation personal. You don’t want to be the jerk that leaked the latest innovation and cost your company cash and, more importantly, you don’t want to be the jerk that always talks about work. So enjoy your dinner, or your drink, or your coffee, as friends. Friends without professional benefits.
Whether you’re reading this from your desk (you better have a spread sheet easily accessible in another tab) or your couch, now you’ll exactly know what to do when office politics, pressures, and predicaments get personal. Now, get back to work!