Yes, I’m checking you out. And let’s be honest, it’s a win-win: I get to check you out and you get to be checked out by me. Thank you, and you’re welcome.
“Men don’t have platonic friends,” Chris Rock once said in a famous standup bit. “We just have women we haven’t [slept with] yet.”
I recently moved into a new apartment, and I have this roommate. Her name is Tobey, and she’s a stunning blonde. Who went to Harvard. And teaches at a school for kids with autism. Now, here’s the kicker:
…And I don’t mean texting and driving, even though that’s like taking your hands off the wheel, having a staring contest with your crotch, and trying not to hit the nearest human being or Quizno’s. No, that’s you trying to kill yourself.
I have hooked up with so many girls. Like, so many girls. Last weekend, I hooked up with, like, four girls in the same night. I might as well be the Hookup King, considering how many girls I hook up with, like every weekend. Man, I just love hooking up. This one time, me and this girl were hooking up and someone walked in on us. I was like, “Come on, man!
