Joe Masterman

More by Joe Masterman

Real Live College Guy Joe: How To Ask For Space Without Breaking Up

7/24/2013

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 
Toward the end of the last school year, my boyfriend and I were practically living together – I had clothes at his apartment, and he had his toothbrush at mine. Unless we were in class, we were together – for meals, at the library, out on the weekends. It put a bit of a strain on our relationship, and I think summer gave us a good break from each other. Now that we’re getting ready for school, though, he talks about all the things we’ll be doing together and how he’s bringing extra pillows and other things to leave at my place. I’m definitely not interested in taking a step back from our relationship, but how do I tell him that spending so much time together isn’t a great idea without hurting his feelings? – Looking for Healthy Distance at Le Moyne

Real Live College Guy Joe: What to Do When He's a Virgin and You're Not

7/19/2013

  Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 
My boyfriend and I want to take it to the next step (sex), but he seems nervous and insecure about the fact that he’s a virgin and I’m not. He acts hesitant every time we get to that point right before we are about to have sex. What’s the best way to reassure him that I am not bothered by his lack of experience?
    — Stuck at Skidmore

Real Live College Guy Joe: Cute Stuff to Do for a New Guy You're Dating

3/2/2013

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed!  Well, usually – he is a college guy.

What are some cute things I could do to make this guy I just started dating smile?  I don’t want to freak him out obviously. - Cutesy at Conn College 


 
Guys appreciate cute things, contrary to popular belief.  Especially cute things involving beer.  But you don’t want to be overcute.  We have a threshold.  Below is a list of Dos and Don’ts to help you make him smile without sending him into anaphylactic shock from cute overload.  Print it.  Study it.  Magnet it to your fridge.  It will take you far. 

Real Live College Guy Joe: How to Leave Things Before Winter Break

12/17/2012

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed!  Well, usually – he is a college guy.

I don’t have a boyfriend, but I have a few guys on my radar, who I’ve either sort of started to date, of have hooked up with, or have just been flirting with, etc., all of whom I think have potential for something.  But now it’s about to be winter break and we’re all going to be in different places for a month at home and not at school!!  How should I leave things before school ends and then what can I do over break so that those don’t all fizzle by the time second semester starts? –Bubbly at Bowdoin

It sounds like you’re in a very lucky position, Bubbly.  Either women are scarce up at Bowdoin, or you’re much more attractive than your fellow female classmates, most of whom are probably moose. 

Regardless, the answer to your question is pretty simple.  When the last days of finals roll around, give each guy a little something to hang onto and tell him you look forward to continuing your relationship in the spring term.  Of course, this differs depending the on the relationship you’ve had with each guy:

Real Live College Guy Joe: What Guys Mean By "Just Friends"

11/22/2012

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed!  Well, usually – he is a college guy.

When a guy says he just wants to “be friends,” does he really mean it? Do guys ever actually want to stay friends?  Or are they just saying it to be nice, and really they don’t care to stay friends with you but want to let you down easy?  Also: what is the appropriate way to then “stay friends” with the guy without being too clingy?  - Friendly at Florida State

Let me tell you a story.  Roger and Stella have been dating for about a month.  Some might even say they’re “going steady.”  At least, that’s what Stella would say, and has said to all her friends, relatives, and pastor at her weekly confession.  Roger, on the other hand, has just learned how to spell Stella’s last name and that – even though all his “dates” have included ordering in from Pizza Planet – she is horrendously lactose intolerant.  She gladly spends the next day in the bathroom after a passionate night with him; he wishes she were cool with hooking up on the toilet.

One night, Stella asks to take it to the next level: live in the same house, use the same car, find a place that makes pizza with lactose-free cheese.  But Roger balks.  He likes what they have, the hook-ups with no strings attached.  But since they obviously want different things and it will be difficult to move forward, he says he wants to just stay friends.

Real Live College Guy Joe: How to Deal With Your Boyfriend's Girl Friend

9/21/2012

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 
My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now, and we have never had any trust issues.  But lately, he’s been spending a lot of time with a friend of his – a pretty girl friend.  I’m trying to think of her as just one of the guys, but I recently heard she has a crush on my boyfriend.  He knows and says it’s not a big deal, but he still hangs out with her.  They have even had dinner together—just the two of them.  I don’t want to be a controlling girlfriend, but is this weird?  How can I tell him I don’t want him to hang out with her anymore?– Edged Out at Emerson

Real Live College Guy Joe: Wanting a Summer Relationship to be More

8/10/2012

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 
I’ve been in a summer romance for the past couple of months, and I think we have something really special. We’ve gotten pretty serious, pretty quickly – we’ve said the “L” word, and we’ve even joked about marriage. We’ve only been dating exclusively for about two months, though, and soon we’ll be going back to school on opposite sides of the country. He’s been in a long-distance relationship before, and he’s dropped hints that he’d rather not do it again, but I really want to continue our relationship when summer ends. How do I talk to him about it without scaring him off?
    — Right Guy, Wrong Timing at Ramapo College

Real Live College Guy Joe: The Deal with On & Off Relationships with Ex-BF's

8/2/2012

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 
So I have been on and off hooking up with one of my exes for the past three years. I keep trying to either end it or figure out if he wants a relationship. The last time we parted, I thought it was definitely for good. We cut off all communication, and there was a whole sob-fest, final discussion and everything. Well, that only lasted a month. He contacted me one night after I had gone to a party, and everything started all over again. My goal this time was to figure out what the heck he wants! To date or not to date? And if not, why is he keeping me around when he knows I have invested feelings?  - Never-ending at NYU 

THREE YEARS!?!? Are you kidding me? As in one year, except times three? As in about 1/7 of your natural born life? As in longer than the lifespans of most marriages, goldfishes and marriages amongst goldfish?  Three years, Jesús. 
I should collect myself.

Obviously, this guy still has feelings for you. Because in three years, he could have hooked up with, let’s see … one, times seven days a week, times 365, plus a few for holidays – about a hundred billion girls. You can check my math, but I think it’s correct.

Real Live College Guy Joe: How to Avoid the Slutty Rep

6/27/2012

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed!  Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 

Real Live College Guy Joe: Meeting His Parents

6/17/2012

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 
So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for five months, and I really wanted him to introduce me to his parents. He finally gave in, and we are meeting them next week! Of course, now that I’ve gotten what I wanted, I am super nervous. What does ‘meeting the parents’ mean? How should I act? How does he want me to act? Will he care what they think of me? And, most importantly, what should I wear?!
    -Don’t Want to Be a Disappointment at Dartmouth
 
So you’re safari-ing into the habitat of parents (homus parentus boyfriendus), eh? It can be a dangerous place. The parents can be a standoffish species, not accustomed to the presence of young humans ever since their offspring abandoned the nest. If startled, they can lash out with a wide array of defensive tactics, such as snide, offhand remarks about your clothing or extreme drunkenness. Approach with caution, and follow these safety tips for the parental wilderness:
 
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