Dr. Fayr Barkley

I have an abusively mean professor. He is condescending and has awful mood swings. His grading makes zero sense, and most of his assignments seem to have no fluidity. A couple of students, including myself, are considering talking to the head of the department. Do you think this is a good idea? What can I say...gently? He is not tenured...however, his wife is. 

Yes, I would talk to the head of the department. This professor is not acting professionally nor appropriately for the position of power that he is in. The key words you have written: mean, mood swings, condescending, erratic in his assignments and grading, may all be indicative of an emotional or mental issue that he needs to deal with. 

I would write down specific examples of his behavior and even quote several inappropriate remarks he makes in class, the effects on students and put it all into bullet points. Do this over a period of time of a week, two weeks or even a month to show that his behavior is not just a fluke and due to having "a bad day." The more time you spend and the more clear cut examples you can put down, the better your evidence is to present. This will draw a definitive picture of him that the department head can take to his superiors, if need be, or to formulate a plan for dealing with the situation.  

My parents recently split and my mom has this new horrendous boyfriend. I don't even want to attempt to explain to her all the reasons I hate him and it can be hard to keep my emotions towards him in control. Any advice on how to deal with this?

I too, went through a very angry phase when my parents split up, even though I was in my mid twenties when it happened. We always want to think our parents will be together forever, despite the fact that they may be oil and water with each other. Seeing one or both of our parents with someone new can bring up our own issues of abandonment that we all have stemming from childhood. Since we haven't walked in their shoes, we can't possibly fully understand what took them away from each other in the first place. 

For women especially, seeing their father with a new woman may make us feel less like Daddy's little girl. Seeing our mom with a new man can make us subconsciously fearful of our own potential future shattered relationship with a man.  

Whatever the fear, it does not feel good. Here is what I'd like to help you understand: Anger is usually a mask for fear. Fear is usually about loss. 

Keep those words in mind as you read further. 

Let's look at mom's new beau. Make a list of what you do not like about him. Be as specific and detailed as possible. Don't just write down "he's a jerk." Write down exactly what he does that makes him a jerk in your eyes. It is important that you are as specific as possible in identifying, as you call it "all the reasons I hate him." 

Q: I was casually dating this guy two years younger than me. I just graduated and he still has two more years left of school. I want a commitment but I'm afraid he's going to chalk it up more to me graduating, and less to me really liking him! How should I go about asking him about some sort of commitment while making the reasoning behind it clear?

Dr. Fayr responds:

You didn't state your ages, so I am going to presume since you are graduating college  you are probably around age 21 or a bit older and he is 19 or a bit older. You have also stated that your dating relationship has been "casual" and since you are projecting what he may think your intentions are, I am going to presume that the maturity level of your communication with each other is limited; otherwise, he'd know you better as a woman than you think he does.

My roommate doesn't bathe as much as she should. Is there a way that I could tell her that she smells terrible without hurting our relationship?

Often people who are the worst offenders can't see (or in this case smell) it for themselves.

I think your approach depends upon how close your relationship to her is. Sometimes people of a different culture are not brought up with the same stringent hygiene training we have in the U.S. You are doing her a favor by telling her; after all, you would want to know, right? So think in terms of how you would like to hear it from someone: the words you would want to hear, the sincerity of the person, the benefits you would want to know about having good hygiene and some points on how to go about making the change. Keep in mind that your roommate is her own person, so keep her personality, values and sensitivity in mind when you speak with her.