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Bowdoin's Very Own Carrie Bradshaw

More by Bowdoin's Very Own Carrie Bradshaw

20 Post-Breakup Steps



Some break ups seem to be facilitated by Glinda the good witch, who waves her magic wand so that nobody gets hurt and everyone can still be friends. That's what we hope for, anyway, but for the Glinda-less, it goes a little bit like this...

1.     Cry

2.     Cry more

3.     Invest in waterproof eyeliner and mascara

4.     Throw away all the things your ex ever gave you (or things that make you think of them)

5.     Pull all the things you threw away out of the trash

6.     Drink a bottle of wine while watching 'Sex and the City', the movie

7.     Talk with your friends about what an asshole your ex is

8.     Talk with your friends about how much you miss said ex

9.     Tell all your friends how much you DON’T miss said ex

10.     Dance to Beyonce’s 'Single Ladies' and sing along with T-Swift’s 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together'

11.     Go to a party and make out with a random person you always found attractive

12.     Stay in and watch the entire first season of Gray’s Anatomy

13.     Watch Titanic or Moulin Rouge

14.     Forget that you didn’t put on your new waterproof eye makeup and immediately regret watching Titanic or Moulin Rouge

15.     Delete your ex’s number, unfriend them on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter

16.     Regret unfriending them and continue to stalk them through your friend’s Facebook

Sex And The Campus: So Kiss Me?



“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.”- Rene Yasenek

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender, because this kiss already has within it that surrender.”- Emil Ludwig

Ah, the passionate kiss! Two people, four lips, one explosive moment of love.  A beautiful sentiment, to be sure.  And maybe it was simple like that for Cinderella or Princess Grace Kelly.  But in 2012 on Bowdoin College’s campus, kisses are rarely of that variety.  Sure, once in a while you’ll get a kiss that looks like this:


But usually, the kisses you see on any given weekend night look more like this:


The kiss is in a sad state here on our college campus.  Devoid of romance or emotion, it’s simply the rather unhygienic meeting of two people’s mouths.  I mean, a lot of the kisses in the basement of Baxter or Crack look more like this


Lessons about Love and Heartbreak from Some Fictional Friends


This week, I thought I’d take a break from talking about myself to look at some of my favorite characters and the lessons they can teach us about love and heartbreak. Some of these relationships have happily-ever-afters, while others can provide a bit of advice on endings--instructing us that, sometimes, things just don’t work out.

Despite the fact they only live inside books or television screens, these fictional folks have a lot of advice to give!

1. Hermione and Ron from 'Harry Potter', Books 1-7: This surprising couple was always one of my favorite parts of the 'Harry Potter' books (you know, besides imagining myself as a Hogwarts student). When you first meet bushy-haired, know-it-all Hermione and sarcastic, gangly Ron, you would never imagine them as friends, never mind as a couple! They’re just so different from each other!

And yet, as they get older, and the books take them on crazier and crazier adventures, something develops. They each had other interested parties (Viktor Krum, Lavender Brown) but in the end, it came down to Ron and Hermione. And when Ron is forced to see the worst thing he can imagine, it’s Hermione picking Harry over him. They’re not an obvious couple to put together, but out of friendship came love!

Lesson learned? Sometimes the perfect person is hiding in plain sight! That guy friend who you’ve always written off as a goofball? Or maybe someone who you’ve known forever but never thought you’d ‘like’ like. It can turn out that something you thought was just a friendly feeling is actually much more.

Sex And The Campus: The Start of Something New


For as long as I can remember, fall has been the time to start new things. New school year, new clothes that are way too warm for the still-summery weather (maybe that doesn’t happen to New England school children), new classes, new people. It’s the perfect time to turn over a new leaf--while you’re running to catch falling leaves.

And while we’re in college, and the potential mates are still being screened by Bowdoin admissions, why not start something new with a new someone? Of course it’s not as simple as just waving a magic wand and making Prince Charming appear. I mean, I just recently re-watched some of the classic Disney princess movies and it wasn’t even particularly easy for those girls! And they had a whole team of folks making sure they had relationships.  

In college, with a casual hook up culture and date-phobic dudes, finding someone special (or even someone just above average) can be such a struggle. I once hooked up consistently with a guy who absolutely refused to say that we were exclusive, even though--unless he had Hermione’s Time Turner--we absolutely were. It took 3 to 4 months to convince that guy that I should get the label of girlfriend and, by that time, I’m not sure why I thought it was still worth it. But sometimes, by mere chance or dumb luck or maybe fate (if you’re into that sort of big cosmos thing) the timing works out and you find yourself with someone who’s genuinely interested in you and who you think isn’t so bad themselves.

Starting something new has so many bumps and pot holes (check out my earlier article regarding playing games!). When is it appropriate to text? When should you be pissed off that you don’t get a text? Can you get pissed off? What is the protocol regarding how often/ when you get together and what you do those times?

Sex and the Campus: Musings on Balls


I’m back!

After a celibate hiatus, there is once again sex on the campus...Hallelujah! For my grand return, I thought I’d start out with musings on an ever present but rarely acknowledged phenomenon- balls. Whatever you want to call them--be it balls, testicles, nuts, mountain oysters, or jingleberries--these things are around us all the time!

Isn’t that a weird thing to think about? No matter what situation you’re in, if there are men, there are balls! Sitting next to you in class, in front of you in line in Moulton, on stage at the a Capella concert.

And yet, I rarely find myself acknowledging them. I’m never walking around thinking, “You know what exist? Balls.” Neither are any of the girls I know. All of us are just going along, minding our own business, never thinking about something that’s there all the time. But there they are- perched underneath the penis, like a pair of boxing gloves. 

Another odd thing about balls is that while they are an important component of the male sex organs, they are not something that we consider when we think of what’s sexy. If you ask a random sample of females who are attracted to males what the sexiest male body part is, I guarantee that a full 0% will mention testicles: “Oh man, he just had the best balls,” said no woman ever.

They sit so close to a part that many women (myself included) are big fans of (penises), but they don’t have the same appeal. They’re like the bat boy of a baseball team. But if Cosmo (The Bible) is to be believed, we should give some more thought to balls. They say that much more attention needs to be paid to those jingleberries.

Study Abroad: A Rocky Relationship


Disclaimer: All right, so I re-read my last column from the 2nd week of my time abroad and wow, can you say Eeyore? I sounded so depressed. Honestly, it sounded like I’d been sent to prison, not Paris. So I decided I had to do a part two, now that my time here is almost over, to update everyone, let you guys in on my insights, and prove that I’m not actually that depressed. And with that…

Study Abroad: The Rockiest Relationship of My Life

Sex and the Campus: Abroad Secret


Hello from study abroad, Bowdoin friends!  Yes, it’s true.  You haven’t seen me around campus, sneakily ‘meeting friends’ to jump line in Thorne and buying large coffees from the Café.  Instead, I’ve been in la belle ville of Paris, France.  Coffee doesn’t come in size large here.  If you ask for coffee, you get a thimble of strong espresso.  You can get a café au lait, which is a bit bigger but costs the equivalent of $5.  I’ve also seen such normal sights as a pet pigeon in a wicker basket-cage on the outdoor table of a café and a couple casually having sex on the Metro.  All in a day’s work here in Paris!

I also have a dirty little secret to tell everyone.  Week one of study abroad is not just fun and games.  At least, for me it hasn’t been.  It’s totally possible that I’m just a lot more emotionally fragile than other people, but I’ve had some pretty rough days since I’ve been here.  I know, how could you be sad, you’re in Paris! It’s beautiful and wonderful and magical! And the thing is, all of that is true.  Paris is full of beautiful sights and there are so many wonderful things about it, like the light show at the Eiffel Tower and baguettes that are somehow both soft and crusty. But there are also things that aren’t so fun, like being really seriously homesick. I mean like cry yourself to sleep, red eyes in the morning kind of homesickness that feels like part of your heart is collapsing in on itself.  You know it’s a bad night when you wake up looking like you’re hung over, even when you had nothing to drink the night before (except a teensy glass of wine with dinner.  Everything here is tiny).  

Sex and the Campus: Do We Even Want Romance?


There’s a great episode of Sex and the City (I have an obsession, I know) called ‘Are We Sluts?’  In it, Carrie Bradshaw, my main girl, is just starting a relationship with the too-perfect Aiden Shaw.  They’ve gone out on a few dates when Carrie invites him upstairs, which means sex.  He coyly refuses and she’s left incredibly confused.  Is he gay? Does he want to be just friends? Is he religious and doesn’t practice pre-marital sex? What is going on here? It turns out that Aiden wants to wait before sleeping together because he’s a romantic and he wants to take it slow.  Carrie and the girls are left feeling baffled because they completely forgot about romance. 

In college, dates are hard to come by.  “Oh I have a date tonight” is something that would honestly be a laughable statement to most.  A date? With who, Prince Harry? Come on, when would that ever happen? While Date Week is a great effort to change this perspective, I’m pretty sure that going on dates remains something that happens rarely and, more so, something that most Bowdoin girls (and boys) don’t expect.  The hook-up scene is huge and, often, people get to know each other sexually before they’re willing to be seen together in Thorne or stop to chat in the library.  Thinking about all this made me wonder… do we even want romance?

Sex and the Campus: The XXX Files


Do you recognize the name RedTube? How about YouJizz? Even if not, if you’ve ever mistyped something into Google you can probably guess what they are.  That’s right - they’re porn sites.  I feel like porn is often a bit of a hippo in the room.  Clearly, everyone knows it exists.  Between the E! True Hollywood Story of Anna Nicole Smith that I’ve seen a million commercials for to the ads that run in the back of Cosmo, porn is something that I encounter tangentially in my life pretty regularly.  That being said, my direct encounters with porn are usually pretty minimal.  Sure, I’ve seen it, but I’ve never sought it out nor watched it without the company of others.  I’m very much not interested and even feel pretty negatively towards it. Yet my experiences and discussions with friends and acquaintances leads me to conclude that many people really like (love) and often watch porn.

Which makes me wonder: what is it about porn that is so polarizing and what makes it so popular?

Quickly, a disclosure.  As always, this column is simply my feelings / experiences/ random thoughts that come in to my head.  I’m not a porn expert; I have no knowledge beyond that True Life episode. I don’t know about the repercussions of being a porn star or about porn addiction.  I’m just a fairly average Bowdoin girl who thinks things and then writes about them. If you’re looking for a more objective stance, check out this article (and its comments).

Sex and the Campus: Not on the Hunt... But Trapped in the Savannah


Bowdoin parties are sort of like those nature shows featuring the African savannah.  There are all different types of creatures: hockey boys, lax bros, football guys and of course, the rare and elusive hockey-hanger-oners. Then you have the team player girls, the giggly freshmen, the senior girls, and everyone in between.  The animals gather around the watering hole (otherwise known as a keg of Natty Ice) and scope each other out.  Here’s a gazelle in an Urban Outfitters top, there’s a giraffe in a Red Sox hat.  They make eye contact and move towards each other.  But oh wait! The gazelle actually was moving towards a herd of other gazelles, totally bypassing the giraffe! What the heck, he yells, totally bewildered by her lack of interest.  But that’s the thing that’s hard to believe.  There are those animals in this world that aren’t on the hunt.  Sure, they’re out, but they aren’t looking for anyone to roll in the mud pit with.

And since I am one of those gazelles, I couldn't help but wonder: how can you survive on the savannah if you’re not on the hunt?

I know, it’s a crazy idea.  If you’re out, you want to hook up, right?  That’s certainly what many people assume.  After all, why else would you want to go out and party on weekends? But the truth is, there are people who are at parties who aren’t interested in ‘getting jiggy with it.’ And being in that group can be a little tricky to maneuver.  A friend of mine had to console a very upset bro who claimed that all Bowdoin girls were teases.  Turns out, he had run into a couple of girls who weren’t interested in him (presumably because they had boyfriends) and he was very upset about it.  “Why would they be here? They’re just leading me on!”