The number one thing that I remember from trick-or-treating as a little kid is trading my candy with what my friends and brother got. We’d dump the contents of our pumpkin buckets onto the living room table of our choice, and trade two Starbursts for a Hershey’s, or vice versa. Now that we’re older — and living in a pandemic — this year’s Halloween will probably consist of celebratory trips to the grocery store to buy our favorite candy right away, no trades needed. Keep in mind, though, whatever candy you choose as your go-to says a whole lot about you.
Almond Joys, Mounds or Welch Fruit Snacks
If these are your Halloween candies of choice, there is a very good chance you’re the Mom Friend of your friend group. Almond Joys and Mounds were almost immediately removed from the trading circle and given to the closest supervising mom. If you’re picking those first this year, you probably love yoga pants, keep snacks in your purse, or just got Tik Tok for the dog videos. Welch Fruit Snacks are delicious but belong in a school lunch rather than a trick-or-treating grocery trip. But that’s okay! You’re responsible, caring and probably drove all your roommates to the store in the first place. You deserve to eat your almonds, coconut and fruit and enjoy them.
Milk Duds or Whoppers
Similar to the Mom Friend, these are classic Dad Friend choices. Though they might differ in most ways – one getting stuck to your teeth and one breaking them – Milk Duds and Whoppers both capture the breadth of a Dad Friend’s personality: fun-loving and goofy, but with a harder shell than most. If you’re buying Milk Duds and Whoppers for your Quarantine Halloween, chances are you’ve got great puns, terrible jokes and unbeatable advice.
Krabby Patties or Double Bubble Gum
These are the trick-or-treat finds that you threw away as a child or traded ten of them just for one Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Right up there with candy necklaces and mints, Krabby Patties and gum were the last things to be dug out of trick-or-treating bags. If for some reason you ate these first as a kid and enjoyed them enough to be seeking them out now, you’re probably a total goofball and stand by the fact that SpongeBob was and is the best kids TV show.
Snickers, Twix, Baby Ruth or Milky Way
To all the caramel-lovers that look to these chocolates first: I’m not with you, but I respect you. Caramel is sticky, salty and gross, but it’s also a fan favorite among Halloween celebrants of all ages. You’re probably easygoing, calm and well-rounded if these are your go-to choices. I hope you know how lucky you are, too – chances are that ONE of these bars will be found in almost any variety pack of Halloween candy.
Warheads, Sour Patch, Hot Tamales, Jolly Ranchers or Nerds
It’s one thing to take a Warhead from a friend to try out a new flavor or see who handles the sourness better. It’s a completely different thing to seek out such flavors as your number one Halloween purchase. Don’t get me wrong, sour and spicy candies like Sour Patch and Hot Tamales are perfectly valid choices. But if you’re buying them first on your grocery store trick-or-treat route, you’re probably the loud friend or the one with the most energy. Warheads kids are the adults who eat wasabi for fun and drink pitch-black coffee like it’s nothing. Jolly Ranchers and Nerds kids, on the other hand, are the extroverts that have evened out just a bit. Regardless, you’re probably excitable with a party spirit and unflinching optimism.
Crunch, Hershey’s or 3 Musketeers
In the most okay way possible, you have a basic taste if these are your comfort chocolates. Sure, your taste in Hershey’s might include something more refined like Mr. Goodbar or — my personal favorite — Cookies ‘n Crème. But on average, these are the Halloween fans that are easily pleased and most agreeable. You probably love pretty much everything about Halloween, but focus more on your taste in spooky movies, shows or decorations rather than wasting your energy on the exact right candy to eat.
Skittles, Dots, Gummy Bears or Twizzlers
Classic movie theatre popcorn sidekicks like these can only mean one thing: you have incredible taste in movies and TV. Your quarantine Halloween plan might include a Harry Potter marathon, horror movie night, or something in between, but the things you like are the things everyone should like. Whether you’re binging “The Haunting of Bly Manor” or re-watching “The Shining” on Oct. 31, you’ll be doing so with some tried-and-true snacks by your side.
Candy Corn
If candy corn is the first thing you buy for your Halloween, you’re probably someone with controversial — but well-expressed — opinions. You’re the kind of person to put pineapple on your pizza, talk about your contrarian hatred for avocados, or debate your friends on whether to put milk or cereal first in the bowl. This is a hard life to lead; as someone who loves Hawaiian pizza and candy corn alike, I can attest to that. But I admire your conviction and dedication to what you love — even if it’s hated around the world.
Reese’s, Kit Kats, Butterfingers or M&Ms
Finally, the choices that make the most sense for any grocery store run. If your favorite Halloween treat is one of these, congratulations: you have impeccable taste and a winning personality. You probably had the coolest Halloween costumes growing up, and maybe you still do! No matter what your Halloween plans are, they’ll be so much better with these close by.
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